ALL WE NEED IS LOVE

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ALL WE NEED IS LOVE Clip: All You Need is love Why is our country and our culture in such a mess? Why are we so disturbed and divided? Because too many people are unloving. Too many people are mean-spirited and judgmental. Too many people are selfish and greedy. Too many people are unwilling to understand others with a different perspective. And too many people talk about those who disagree with them in ways that are demeaning and condemning. And the answer is: love. Love, sweet love, that’s the only thing that there’s just too little of. I agree with everything I just said. I just happen to believe what I said is true of people on both sides of just about every issue. Most folks who say those things mean: “People who see things differently than I do – they’re the ones who are mean-spirited, ignorant, and/or judgmental. “And if they weren’t so hard-hearted, if they’d just love a little more, it they’d quit thinking they’re right and I’m wrong, this world would be a much better place.” Well, I’ll go on the record. As long as there is one person in this world who is judgmental, selfish, greedy or prejudiced – that’s one too many.

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And love is the answer. At least a big part of the answer. But is love all we need? The United Methodist Church is struggling to determine if we can stay together. The issue that gets all the attention is our differences regarding sexuality. But it really goes much deeper to questions like: Do we believe that the Bible is God’s inspired word? Can we throw out the parts we disagree with like the pastor of the largest church in our denomination has argued. Do we believe that Jesus is the way and the truth and the life or just one of many ways as many of our bishops believe. I know some of you can’t fathom that we would even be discussing these matters, but we are. Here’s part of a prayer that one of our bishops sent to his churches to be prayed last week for our denomination. He is the bishop of the UM churches in New England. “God help us! Help us to take the next faithful step forward not based on doctrine, tradition, or theology; judgments, fears, or convictions …. God help us! Help us to take the next small faithful step forward that is neither right or wrong; good or bad; for or against; left or right; pro or con. God, help us! Help us above all else to simply take the one next faithful step forward, out of love. Only love; nothing less, nothing more; just love; undiluted love.” If the prayer was the last stanza alone, who could argue with it? Let’s do everything we do out of love.

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We should live that way in our families, with our friends, at our work, in society, with those we disagree with and certainly in our churches. But, what the bishop writes in the first two stanzas shows what he really means. And it is what many in our culture mean when they say all we need is love. “Help us to take the next faithful step forward not based on doctrine, or theology or convictions.” “Doctrine and theology” – that’s what we believe about who God is. “Convictions” – that’s what we believe about how God wants us to live. How do we know what a faithful step is – for that matter how do we know what love is – if we discount who God is and what he expects of us? “Help us to take the next small faithful step forward that is neither right or wrong; good or bad; for or against.” What? Does taking a step forward in love – does that require that we stop thinking about what is morally right and wrong, good or bad? Does being for love require that we no longer be against anything? Do we need love? Yes. A hundred times over, yes. Jesus said that the two greatest commandment were to love God and to love our neighbor (Matthe2 22.38-39). He said that “by this all people will know that you are my disciples that you love one another ” (John 13.35).

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I’ve told you before whatever your child is doing, however she is living, no matter what lifestyle he has embraced, your first job is to love your child. And if you can’t love and accept your child, you have a bigger problem than your child does. If there’s only one thing we can give another person, love should be it. What the world needs now is love, sweet love. Always has, always will. And those of us who follow Jesus should love more than anyone else on the planet. But is love all we need? No wisdom? No character? No convictions? No principles to guide us? One reason this is confusing is because we are confused about what love is. The Greeks had four different words for love. We have one. We love our wives. We love our dogs. But hopefully not in the same way. We love golf; we love the United States, we fall in love, we make love, and we love Jesus. And love means something different in every one of those sentences.

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Ask a teenager what love is and he’s likely to tell you: If you love me, you’ll let me do what I want to do and you won’t give me any rules, any restrictions or any responsibilities. Ask some, not all by any means, but ask some Millennials – and for that matter some old hippies – what love means and you’ll be told love is not saying or doing anything that offends me, or triggers me, or challenges what I believe. Ask guys my age and we’ll tell you that love means pretty much letting me come home to a quiet, drama free house at night. All we need is love – but it means something different to every one of us. Let’s think about love together. What is it? What does it require of us? 1. LOVE IS A COMMITMENT TO BE WITH ANOTHER PERSON. I found this revealing. Here are some definitions of love you’ll find in the dictionary. Merriam-Webster: (1) strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties (2) affection based on admiration benevolence, or common interests

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Dictionary.com: (1) a profoundly tender, passionate, affection for another person (2) a feeling or warm personal attachment Wiktionary.org: (1) A feeling of intense attraction towards someone (2) a profound feeling of trust and security towards a person (3) a feeling of care and mercy towards people or living beings in general Note that these definitions define love primarily as a feeling. It’s a feeling for, an affection towards, or an attraction to someone. We are going to determine what love is not by looking at Dictiionary.com but by looking at God. Why? Because the Bible tells us that God is love. And what we’re going to find is that love is not a feeling. It is a commitment. And that means you can love your wife and your children even if in the moment you don’t much like them or what they’re doing. When you are married at a church altar, we don’t ask you to take a vow to feel a certain way about your wife. We ask you to take an oath that you will treat her a certain way regardless of how you feel. We don’t ask if you will stay in love with your wife – that’s a feeling. We ask if you to promise that you will love her – for better, for worse. That’s a commitment.

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Why? Because love – the love we have for our wives, the love we have for our children, for our brothers in Christ, for the jerk at our office who irritates the life out of us, for the brother-in-law whose politics we think is destroying this country – love is not a feeling of affection for that person but a commitment to treat him or her in a particular way. What do we learn about love when we look at God? Love is something you do: For God so loved the world that he gave his onlybegotten Son … (John 3.16).

When the Bible tells us about the love of God, it doesn’t tell us about how God feels but what God does. Love often requires sacrifice: This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters (1 John 3.16). Love is not based on feelings or whether it is deserved: God demonstrates his love for us in this: when we were still sinners Christ died for us (Romans 5.8).

God loved us when we were in rebellion against him, when our sin required the crucifixion of his Son. He didn’t feel all warm and affectionate for us in that moment; and we certainly didn’t deserve his grace. Love is a commitment to be with another person: Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! (Isaiah 49.15)

God’s love says, I will never forget you. I will never walk away from you. I will never leave you.

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Even if you do so much wrong that your mother disowns you, I will be with you. So first, love is a commitment. It’s not a feeling you have for someone. It’s not affection or being attracted to someone. It’s a commitment we make to another person. And it’s a commitment to be with that person. What does it mean to be with someone? First, it means attempting to understand another person. Often that means listening to another person. And listening not to correct, not to fix, not to tell someone what to do, but simply to understand him or her. Listening means wanting to know another person. What’s important to him or her and why. What he’s thinking, what he’s dreaming, what he’s worried about, what he’s struggling with. Why? Because you care about him or her. This is hard for us men because we are problem solvers by nature. Many of us are also problem makers by nature, but that’s a different topic.

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We are problem solvers by nature so we listen to gather information that will help us fix what’s wrong. Listen: a human being is not a problem to be fixed. Your wife, your child, your pain in the neck neighbor – is not a problem to be solved. They are persons to be loved. If we see another person as problem to be solved, we make that person into a thing. Without meaning to, we de-humanize that person. And that’s the opposite of love. Here’s a scene from the television show Parenthood. The wife has cancer and her husband has tried to help her by telling her to be positive, it’s going to be ok. Clip: Parenthood, Season 4, It’s Not Allright “Starts w ‘Can I talk w you’ and ends w ‘I love you, too, so much.” Listening this way is hard work. M. Scott Peck: Truly listening to the tale of your spouse’s day at the office or laundromat, and understanding his or her problems from the inside, attempting to be as consistently patient … – all these are tasks that are often boring, frequently inconvenient and always energy-draining; they mean work ... love is work ….

Being with another person means trying to understand another person. It also means

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Being with another person means accepting that person. Here’s where we get so confused and here’s where the example of Jesus can be so helpful to us. “I just can’t accept him as long as he … I can’t accept her until she …” And we fill in the blank with what he or she needs to do, with how they need to change and behave. Look, there is a difference between accepting someone and affirming what he or she is doing. You can love and accept someone even if you cannot approve of their choices. Three things made Jesus particularly odious to the good religious folk of his day, in particular the Pharisees. 1. Breaking the Sabbath by not keeping their traditions. 2. Being guilty of blasphemy by claiming to be divine. 3. Accepting sinners as his friends. Luke 15.1-2: Now the tax collectors and sinners were all gathering around to hear Jesus. But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law muttered, “This man welcomes sinners and eats with them.”

To eat with someone in the time of Jesus meant you accepted them. You were creating a relationship with them because you valued them. And the Pharisees wouldn’t do it. To accept sinners when they were still sinners – while they were still thieves and prostitutes – there was no way.

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The Pharisees had a saying, a rule: The Pharisees: Let not a man associate with the wicked, not even to bring him to the Law.

Change first and then we’ll accept you. That was the way of the Pharisees. But the way of Jesus was: I’ll accept you before you change. Why? Because the Father loves you. In seminary a student was asked, What do you think Jesus told prostitutes when he met them? He responded, “I don’t think Jesus ever met a prostitute.” “Of course, he did,” said the professor, “it’s in the Bible.” “I don’t think so,” said the student. “I don’t ever think Jesus ever met a prostitute. I think he only met people – people who were loved by God.” We too often define people by what they look like, what their lifestyle is, what their politics or their theology is, whether their sins are more obvious than our own. Don’t do that. Love means we define people as beings who are so deeply loved by God that he sent his Son to die for them. And catch this: people who are loved find it easier to change. When someone listens to us, we find it easier to express what’s going on inside us. And we become more self-aware about what’s driving us. And change is possible.

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When you refuse to judge another person, he can come to believe he is worthy of love. And he will be more able to make choices that people who feel valuable make – choices that are healthy and good. When you are committed to another person and don’t walk away when he screws up, he can believe that God loves him and trust in the grace and the power that can change his life. Bottom line: If Jesus could love and accept your sorry … self – and mine – we can accept people before they become as righteous and as nearly perfect as we are. That leads to this: Being with another person means remembering that we are more alike than we are different. We all have hopes and dreams. We all want our lives to count. If we’re parents we all want our children to be safe and to succeed and to be judged by the content of their character, not the color of their skin. We all have things we are ashamed of. We all have wounds that hurt us. We all have self-doubts. We all try to cover up and hide. And we’re all afraid of letting someone know us for who we really are.

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Loving someone means being with them in the wonderful, hurtful, bewildering experience of being a human being. Not putting ourselves above anyone, not looking down on anybody, not putting distance between ourselves and others because they appear to be different. No, we accept each other, love each other and help each other. The story we celebrate is God being with us in Jesus – even willing to become like us: human, hurt, misjudged, wounded, betrayed. If God could be with us before we changed, because he loved us, we can love others enough to be with them before they change. Even if they never do. (Al Wood gal at hospital) Couple of thoughts before we move on. This helps me accept people and “be with them” – especially when they are difficult to be around. People who make problems have problems. The people in your life who are difficult to deal with, often it’s because they are struggling inside. If you’re their boss, you may still need to let them go. If you’re their parent, you may need to set and enforce boundaries, even if it means they misunderstand what you’re doing and become angry.

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But you’ll find it much easier to accept and to be with people if you try to understand what’s going on inside them that’s generating the problematic behavior. Many people push others away because they’ve been hurt in the past and they put up walls so they won’t be hurt again. Many people who appear arrogant and proud feel incredibly insecure inside. Many people who are promiscuous are desperate for love but don’t think they are worthy of being valued for who they are. Many people who are critical of everyone are angry inside because they can’t accept themselves. Ask, listen, be patient. They may not even know what’s going on inside them. But I can promise you, people who make problems have problems. Remember that and it will be a little easier to love each other. 2. LOVE IS A COMMITMENT TO HELP ANOTHER PERSON EXPERIENCE A BETTER LIFE. Jesus came into our world because he loved us. And because he loved us, he wanted to help us experience a truly good life. John 10.10: The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

God has a better life for us. And Jesus came to bring that better life to us. That’s what love does. Leighton Ford: God loves us the way we are but too much to leave us that way.

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God has something better for us than self-centeredness, greed and lust. God has something better for us than pride and putting up walls to protect our egos. God has something better for us than being dishonest with ourselves and others. He has an abundant life he wants us to step into. Why? Because he loves us. And that’s what love does – it helps us experience the better life God has for us. But don’t get confused, stepping into that good life means stepping out of an old life of self-centeredness, greed, lust and pride. What sets us free to live a truly good and abundant life? Jesus told us. John 8.31-32: Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

To step into the freedom of a better, truly abundant life, we must step into the truth. You see that right? The truth will set you free. That means that sometimes the most loving thing you can do is tell people the truth they need to hear. Here’s a scene from the movie Ray about Ray Charles. Charles is addicted to heroin and in real trouble. Clip: Ray – wife confronts him about drug use

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Lot of truth in that scene. From a wife who has loved and been with and stayed with her husband. But now, loving means speaking the truth and not pulling any punches. We see the same thing in Jesus, the most loving person who ever lived The woman caught in adultery, after he protects her from being stoned, he says to her, “Go now and sin no more. Change your life.” The guy who complains that his brother won’t share the inheritance with him, he tells him: Beware of greed. The rich young ruler who has kept all the commandments, Jesus tells him: Go sell all your good and follow me. After he heals a man who has been paralyzed for thirty-eight years, he says to him, “See you’re well now. Stop sinning or something worse may happen to you.” Been paralyzed for thirty-eight years, first good day in nearly four decades, and Jesus gets in his face and tells him to stop sinning or something really bad might happen to him. Jesus was committed to being with people – that’s part of what love does. But he was just as committed to telling people the truth they needed to hear. Why? Because when it’s the right time, that’s also something love does. We need both to step into the abundant life. Compassion and truth.

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Now, let’s flip it. If we love people we will want to help them step into a better, more abundant life. That means we will have to be with them, like we spoke about a few minutes ago. And there will be times when we have to tell them the truth they need to hear. Look again at the example of Jesus. John 1.14: The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

Jesus didn’t just come with grace but also with truth. Not one instead of the other, not one more than the other, but both together. Because people need both for their lives to change. The comfort of knowing that we are understood and cared for and the challenge that comes when someone speaks the truth we need to hear. Grace and truth together – that’s what love is. And that means if we are going to truly love people there will be times when we need to speak truth into their lives. It may be a truth that they don’t want to hear. It may bother them or irritate them. It will certainly challenge them. But that’s what love does. Who is the better coach? The one who tells his players how good they are and leaves it at that? Or the one who compliments his players for what they do well and then tells them how to get better?

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Who loves their players more? I’ve been going to the gym. I’ve had two trainers. Here’s a picture of them. Picture I love them both. Malik has been with us to Honduras and now lives in Austin. Sam is who I’ve had most recently and is a super great guy. I told them both right up front. I respond best to praise. Give me some positive feedback. I tell them that once. But I told them over and over. Don’t let me do this wrong. Correct my form. Tell me what I need to do better. Why? Not because my goal wasn’t to feel good about myself. My goal was to put on muscle and get stronger. And for that to happen, I had to be corrected when I was wrong and told how to get better. Who loves their child more? The dad who tells his kids how terrific they are and never corrects them? Or the dad who brags on his kids and holds them accountable when they break the rules? Who’s a better friend? The guy who always takes your side when you complain about your wife – he agrees she’s a shrew, too demanding, never appreciative enough.

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Or the guy who listens and empathizes and then says, “So, what can you do differently to make your relationship better?” Sometimes the most loving thing someone can do for us is tell us the truth we don’t want to hear. Not to condemn us or to shame us but to help us grow. And sometimes the most loving thing we can do is tell someone the truth they need to hear. M. Scott Peck: There is a traditional concept that friendship should be a conflictfree relationship, a “you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours” arrangement, relying solely on a mutual exchange of favors and compliments as prescribed by good manners. Such relationships are superficial and … do not deserve the name of friendship …. Mutual loving confrontation is a significant part of all successful and meaningful human relationships.

To be a friend, to love someone, there will be times when we need to speak the truth. It’s not my place to go around all the time confronting people and telling them all the things they need to change. But there are times when that is exactly what love requires. I can love you a long time without telling you the truth. But if I never tell you the truth you need to hear, do I really love you? So, is love all we need? Not if by love we mean a feeling of affection and we leave it at that. Not if by love we mean never challenging, never confronting, never correcting each other. Not if love means no theology, no convictions, no concern for what’s right and wrong.

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But if by love we mean being committed to being with another human being – listening, accepting and walking through life with him. If by love we mean speaking the truth that someone needs to hear to step into the abundant life God has for him or her – challenging them to go deeper with God, become more like Jesus, and serve others more faithfully – if that’s what we mean by love, I don’t know if that’s all we need, but it’s a real good start.