Chapter Two

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Chapter Two

Grandpa Rabbi Neeman’s Recipe for a Happy Marriage 250g love

  250g humour 250g sexual attraction 500ml admiration and respect for one another 500g intellectual parity 1 small pinch of in-laws, unless to your taste, in which case add more 1 reasonable budget

A generous dash of team work 4 tsp. readiness to admit fault 250g quick and easy apology 250g each confidence and encouragement 1 large or several small interests or hobbies in common 250g delight in each other Separate bathrooms (budget permitting)

Sift all ingredients and remove any lumps of jealousy, accounting of wrongs, grudge-bearing, point scoring, temper or accusation.  Stir in frequent portions of healthy and satisfying marital sex.  Pour into generous servings of love and bake over many years in the steady warmth of affection, mutual respect and desire. 

That night I had my recurring contact lens anxiety dream. It comes in various forms; this version was the one where I tried to insert an enormous contact lens into my eye. It was simply too big and wouldn’t go in, but I kept on trying. I was confused: I wear these lenses every day, why did they no longer fit? The lens in question had extra flaps on the side, like those sanitary towels with wings that you’re meant to tuck round your knickers. The 16