Growth Group Leader Guide

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Table of Contents How Can I Lead Great Small-Group Discussions?

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Tips for Facilitating a Group Discussion

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Three Elements of Vibrant Small Groups

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Your Open Home: Small-Group Hospitality

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A Small-Group Leader's Most Important Job

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Tips for Learning How to Pray in Your Growth Group —— 16 Wrestling with the Scriptures Together

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Four Questions for Every Small-Group Bible Study

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Essential Elements of your Growth Group Covenant

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How Can I Lead Great Small-Group Discussions? Four easy things any leader can do to facilitate growth-focused discussions Adapted from Andrew S. Mason Guiding group discussion is more of a dance than a military march. You’re not commanding attention and straining toward a precise outcome. A life-giving conversation will nudge you gently to both participate and learn from others. The nutrients for spiritual growth are found more in the group synergy than the group study. But how do you get there? Most people can visualize the power of healthy dialogue among a circle of engaged Christ-followers, but it can be much harder to experience that reality on a consistent basis unless you know how to manage the mood. Prepping for a small group like a teacher prepares for a lesson does not ensure success. Arming yourself with knowledge, information, pages of notes, and rehearsed lines yields small returns in the relational setting of a small group. Rather, bringing a group discussion to life requires a subtle framework, the right pace, smooth guidance, and an interested host. 1. Scratch the surface before you go deeper. One of the aims of group discussion should be to get beneath the surface of peoples’ lives. The problem is, you have to be disciplined not to go there too early. People need time to warm up. Their mind and heart are shifting gears from their day and their week to what the Lord wants to speak to them during your time together. They’re not always ready at the outset to start mining the tectonic plates of their soul. This is why an effective smallgroup outline has a progressive sequence of open-ended questions that gradually lead a group to open up and be transparent. A simple progression I follow in discussions is: Connection Questions — Intro and Icebreakers
 Dissection Questions — Observation and interpretation questions about the Scripture passage
 Reflection Questions — Questions that relate to our experiences and help us apply Scripture to our daily lives Inspection Questions — Application questions that focus on self-awareness and personal transformation I never begin a group meeting without an icebreaker question. In theory, it may seem gimmicky, but it makes it easy for people to begin sharing. I recently had a new apprentice lead our group. Even though I went over the importance of icebreakers, he made a rookie mistake and jumped right into the study. The conversation never really took off. Icebreakers help prevent this by getting everyone involved right from the beginning. I also make sure that by the end of the study there are some questions that push people out of their comfort zone and invite them to be vulnerable. You can’t hope for people to be real in your group if you don’t ask any penetrating questions. When leaders first hear this tip, they often get excited—until I tell them they have to model transparency by answering these tough questions as well. This is the best way, though, to get the rest of the group members to open up. 2. Stop speeding. Inexperienced group hosts often get anxious after asking a question. Quiet pauses feel like a vacuum that must be filled. In reality, those pauses are essential for quality interaction.

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I remember one evening when a new group host I was apprenticing couldn’t seem to wait more than two seconds after asking a question before he would give his own answer. When he moved onto the next questions, he did it again. No one was given the chance to think through a response—let alone share it. Slow down. There’s nothing wrong with throwing a question out to the group and pausing silently to let people think about it. Many times, I’ll ask a question and literally say, “Take 15–20 seconds to think about that before you answer.” Then, I will stare at my toe so that my body language communicates that I am perfectly comfortable waiting for them to share their thoughts. Beyond allowing silence in your meetings, you’ll also need to learn to listen well in order to slow down the discussion. A popular small-group maxim is the 70/30 Rule, which states that an effective group leader talks only 30 percent of the time and listens the other 70 percent of the time. This ensures full group participation. Relax, take a deep breath, give people time to think, and focus your attention on them when they do share to show you’re listening. 3. Value group members’ insights. I’ve witnessed many small-group discussions where a person shares and the leader moves on to the next person or question with little to no acknowledgement of what was just said. After you’ve listened to what they have to say, let them know you heard them. Engage with each member’s contribution, and affirm what they’ve shared. Here are some ways to do that: • “Thanks for sharing that!” • “That’s really good!” • “What I hear you saying is . . .” • “Can you tell me more about that?” • “Thank you for your honesty.” This is a small way that you can reward the people in your group for their participation. It makes them feel heard, valued, safe, and encouraged to share again. My only caution is to not over-praise any one group member. You can unintentionally alienate the others by making one person feel like they won The Answer of the Night trophy. You want everybody to feel equally appreciated and valued. 4. Gently guide the discussion. Discussions have a tendency to go off the rails. As the facilitator, you must take responsibility and ownership for guiding the conversation. You don’t want to be too rigid, but you can’t hesitate to speak up and provide direction, bringing the group back to the topic at hand. Discussions can easily wander off topic for a number of reasons: • Personalities • Long answers • Disagreement between two people Bad theology • Gossip • Unrelated tangents Group leaders who are trying their best to be sensitive listeners can quickly get overwhelmed thinking, How did we get here? Here are some quick transition statements when you find you’ve wandered off topic: !5

• Let’s hold on that for the moment, but I want to hear more about that from you after our meeting. • I’d love to hear more about that when we’re done, but I want to make sure we have time for others to share on this topic right now. • Thanks for sharing! Many people feel the same way. On the other hand, many Scriptures point to . . . • Thanks for sharing! Many people have the same question. There are many scholars who interpret that Scripture to mean . . . • Thanks for sharing! I have a few more thoughts I’d like to share with you about that after we’re done tonight. In the meantime, does anyone else want to chime in? • I appreciate both perspectives. One of the values of group discussion is that it allows us to grow by processing our thoughts out loud, and I appreciate the rest of group being great listeners. I hope when the night is over, everyone feels heard. You might have noticed a method I use quite often: saying something like “Let’s talk more about that after group.” That’s code to the rest of the group that you’re going to guide the group back to the topic at hand, but you’ll follow up with the person or issue later. In other words, you’re valuing what they have to say while effectively facilitating the discussion. While this may take some courage the first few times you do it, it can become instinctive over time. What you’ll see is that your group will grow in confidence toward you and will greatly appreciate the fact that no person or issue can hold the discussion hostage and completely take over. As you can see, guiding a group discussion can be messy. This is why we need to approach it like a dance and not a march. People are unpredictable and need a safe place where they can make mistakes and learn. These four tips will help you provide that, and you’ll find that your group members will want to come back week after week.


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Tips for Facilitating a Group Discussion Practical advice for working toward life-change, not spectacular meetings Adapted from CarterMoss For many small-group leaders, one of the more intimidating things we do is facilitating a group discussion. Very few of us feel like we'll have all the right answers, or that we can handle whatever curve balls will be thrown our way (and there will be some!). To make matters worse, it's even challenging to gauge whether we're doing a good job or not. But here's the good news: that's not what facilitating a group discussion is really about. We don't have to have all of the right answers. We don't have to lead the perfect discussion every time. We don't even have to get through all of the material in each meeting! When we're facilitating in our small group, our main goal is to create discussion. We want to challenge people to think about the topic at hand, and to create a safe environment for people to share their thoughts—to help everyone feel valued about the input they've offered. That's all we've got to do. Thankfully, there are some established practices and principles that can help us accomplish those goals. Asking Good Questions One of the most important skills in small-group facilitation is not having all of the right answers, but asking the right questions. Here are a few secrets to good question-asking: 1. Ask open-ended questions. Avoid the yes/no, true/false, multiple-choice questions—"Is Jesus the sheep or the shepherd in this parable?" Similarly, avoid questions that let people off the hook with a simple Sunday-school answer—"Why did Jesus die on the cross?" You want to ask questions that require people to share some actual thoughts and feelings. 2. Ask follow-up questions. Many people default to staying pretty surface-level with their answers to your questions, so get in the habit of not letting them off the hook. Ask more questions that follow up on their response. Here are some examples of good follow-up questions for the short/simple answers that people often give: • What makes you say that? • How do you feel about that? • How do you think that would've affected you if you had been living in the time of Jesus? How would you explain your answer to a non-Christian friend or neighbor? The idea is to get at the core of what people are really trying to say. 3. Start an argument. I like to tell my groups that if we always agree with each other, and with every word that every author we read says, then it makes for a pretty boring group and a somewhat pointless discussion. The point of actually discussing things is to get different perspectives and wrestle with the issues! • Do you really agree with what the author is saying in that chapter? Why or why not? • Why did God design it to work that way? Why not just do (whatever else) instead? • What would you say to someone who disagrees with that? • Why do we really have to do it like that? Why can't we just go (some other route) instead? 4. Make sure the rubber hits the road.

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I often tell my small group that by the end of the night, we need to make sure we apply what we're discussing to our current lives. Otherwise we just leave group a little smarter, rather than with changed lives. So whatever it is you're discussing, make sure to end with some application questions. Here are some examples: • So what in the world does that have to do with our lives today? • How can you change your perspective from today regarding that issue? • What one thing can you do differently in this next week to start living that out? (Some groups will add accountability to this question—recording what members share and asking them to report back the next week.) Creating a Safe Environment Trust is perhaps the most vital key to really making your small group a place where genuine community can be formed. Group members need to be able to trust each other that the group is a safe place—a place where they can get real and know that they will not be judged, gossiped about, and so on. So how do you create this safe environment? There are some important steps you can take. First, make sure to cover the privacy and safety issue in your Growth Group covenant. Put it on paper that "what is said here and happens here, stays here." Feel free to review this covenant every single time a new person shows up to group. And as the leader, be sure to model this safety and confidentiality yourself! When someone shares in the group—no matter how much you may disagree, or how theologically incorrect they may be—make sure they feel affirmed about their answer in the moment. Later, you can talk to them about their comments outside of group, but it should be done one-on-one. Also, avoid giving unrequested advice within the group—"Well if I were you, I'd just do this ... ." That is one of the quickest ways to shut someone down from sharing. When you hear other group members start to do this, gently remind them that "this is a safe group, and we're here to listen, not to give advice." Handling the Challenging People The hard part of small groups is that they involve people, and dealing with people is always messy. One of my favorite book titles has always been the one I find most true: Everybody's Normal Until You Get to Know Them. That includes me! Here are some of the common "challenging people" that you may encounter, and some tips on approaching them with grace: 1. The over-talker. This person always has plenty to say, and loves to be the first person to say it. Remind everyone in the group guidelines that this is an equal participation group. So if you have 10 people in the group, you want each person to contribute their 10 percent to the discussion. If the problem continues, talk to the person outside of group. Affirm them in what they do contribute, and tell them you need their help in getting some of the other people in the group to open up and share. Sometimes you can go as far as to ask them to commit to not being the first person to answer a question, or to only answer when you call on them—or to even work out a subtle signal you can give them when they are talking to much. 2. The non-talker. This is the quiet person in the group who never wants to share. If you think that doing so won't scare them off even more—that they just need a little prompting—try calling on them periodically to share an answer. Also, be sure to affirm them big-time when they do respond. !8

3. The tangent-starter. This person loves to get the group way off track by starting random tangents and rabbit trails. First of all, don't get upset at the tangents, and feel free to go off on them once in awhile. When the time comes, firmly bring the group back on track. If the problem becomes excessive, again, talk to the person outside of group. Affirm them in what they do contribute, and let them know about the challenge you have in trying to facilitate a good group and bring across certain points each week, and how the tangents make your job harder. Ask them how they can help you. 4. The insensitive person. This individual gives advice, makes fun of answers and people, cuts people off, or does a variety of other things to offend members within the group. This person is dangerous to the health of your group! They can keep it from being a safe group more quickly than anything else. So remind everyone of the group guidelines again, and definitely have the one-on-one conversation outside of group to let the person know how important a safe group is, and what they can do to help make that happen. Remember—the end goal of a group discussion is life change, not perfect discussions or getting through all the material. So stay open to the Holy Spirit during each group meeting and follow where he leads. Some of the most memorable group meetings occur when the leader is willing to scrap the plan for the night and address a specific need, or do something fun and spontaneous. It's also important to spend some time in prayer before each group meeting. Ask that God would lead the discussion where he wants it to go. And get an apprentice who can help you facilitate, so that you don't have to go it alone. Remember that God is the one who does the work in people's hearts—we are not responsible for it! We are simply creating an environment for community and life change to happen.

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Three Elements of Vibrant Small Groups What a small group is and isn't Adapted from Bill Search Not many people take a Sunday drive anymore. In fact, I'm not sure if anyone ever really took a Sunday drive. But as a child my father would refer to slow, clueless drivers as Sunday drivers. Sure, they were in a car, heading toward a destination, but they didn't have a clue what the destination was. They were just lollygagging down the road. A lot of small groups are like Sunday drivers. They might enjoy the journey, but they don't know where they're heading and don't have much motivation to get to their destination in a timely fashion. In an effort to make space for all those Sunday driver small-group leaders, we're willing to call just about anything a small group. It doesn't matter if it's big or small, long-term or short-term, purposeful or purposeless—you can call anything a small group. What a Small Group Is Not However, if you want a vibrant, healthy small group you have to be intentional. You have to put some effort into it. You have to know where you're heading and have a plan on how to get there. And, at the most basic level, you have to know what a vibrant small group truly is. I like to start by examining what a vibrant small group is not. 1. Intense Bible Study or Class If a group simply becomes an information dump or an academic pursuit you will quickly lose the point (and probably lose your members). I loved college. I am one of those weird people who enjoy a good lecture, a challenging book, and writing papers. But when I think back on what I loved most about college, it's people. It's the relationships that stand out 20 years later. If the small-group experience becomes an intense learning space where members are pupils and leaders are lecturers, you will miss the whole idea of community and family that the New Testament writers paint in vivid detail. Certainly the Bible should be part of the group—but if you develop Bible scholars who know the Word and don't live it, you've simply re-created the very Pharisees and Sadducees that plagued Jesus' ministry. 2. Social Club Other small groups swing to the opposite extreme from the intense Bible study. In fact, they are all process and no product. They are so relationally focused they don't accomplish much. They enjoy a good meal together, swap stories, and play games. Sure, it's fun to be part of the social club, but who has the time? In our overstressed, over-scheduled world most people shed unnecessary responsibilities. And the social club will be the first to go. A good group challenges its members to grow to be like Christ, but the social club doesn't concern itself with that—which is a key reason it's not a healthy small group. 3. A Group of 12 The truth is that you can have a vibrant small group with 3 or 30—it just depends on how you handle discussion time. So don't get hung up on the total group number. 4. Home-based I'm a huge fan of small groups meeting in homes. I think it follows the example we see in the New Testament. It's a comfortable place for most people to relax. It reinforces the number one metaphor of the church in the

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Bible: the family. That said, the Bible does not insist that groups meet in homes. In fact, the Bible clearly teaches that the setting doesn't matter as much as the heart of the people. Homes, classrooms, conference rooms, and coffee shops are all acceptable places to gather. 5. A Weekly Meeting Certainly a group that meets infrequently risks losing its identity quickly. We have to work hard to keep up relationships. But we believe that the meeting frequency shouldn't feel like an obligation or chore. At the same time, it shouldn't it feel like a capricious, thrown-together meeting designed around the convenience of the group members. Three Patterns of Vibrant Groups So what are the core pieces of a healthy group? In my years of experience leading groups and leading smallgroup ministries, I have identified three core patterns of healthy groups. You can add to this list, but you can't reduce it without harming the group. The three patterns are connecting, changing, and cultivating. You will notice that all three of these words are verbs—simply put, they involve action. They don't describe community; they are the actions of a vibrant community. 1. Connecting The first pattern of a healthy group is the relational pattern. You have to build a relational bridge strong enough to hold the weight of truth. Imagine in your first group meeting the leader reads James 1 and asks each new member to share a trial or temptation they are facing. How would you reply? Would you be 100 percent honest and transparent? I doubt it. If you are like me you might say, "Well, I'm tempted to be too generous. And sometimes I have a short fuse." However, if you know the people in your group and you are comfortable with them, you will likely feel safe enough to share what is really going on in your life. If you don't build the relationships within the group you won't have a group for long. A few years ago, Gallup conducted research on church health. One of the important factors that contributed to enthusiasm for church was friendship. If you have no friends at church you will likely wander away. If you do have friends—people who call you when you're absent, ask how you are doing spiritually, and encourage you—you will likely have a strong commitment to your church. Likewise, you will have a strong commitment to your small group. Simple things you can do to develop the connecting pattern in your group: • Start each meeting with an icebreaker. • Plan out group meetings at least a month or two in advance so everyone knows when to meet. • Deal with negative group dynamics (like the person who dominates the conversation in the group). • Call and e-mail people who miss a meeting. 2. Changing The second key pattern of a healthy group is the growth pattern. Some call it edification or sanctification or metamorphoses. Simply put, it's change! A vibrant group helps you change into the person God intends you to be. In his book Change or Die, Alan Deutschman discovered some clues to how people change. His big secret was community! If you want to change you need the right kind of relationships that reinforce the right kind of behavior. This is confirmed by life. A community that challenges you and reinforces that change really matters. As Deutshman said in his book, it's hard to eat a salad if all your friends are gorging on wings! Simple things you can do to develop the changing pattern in your group: !11

• Study the Bible for application. Answer the question, "So what do we do with this?" • Invite each member to share areas they are trying to improve and offer accountability. • Create a judgment-free zone where members can share what's going on without feeling judged by the group (or feeling like a special project). • Keep the focus on Jesus Christ who gives us the strength to change. 3. Cultivating The third key pattern of a vibrant group is the missional pattern. The other two patterns are very exclusive. They focus on the group and the individuals within the group. This pattern is inclusive and focused on others. You might call it service, outreach, mission, or evangelism. I use a farm metaphor. As you cultivate hearts for other people you are turning up the soil in your life (and hopefully in others). Have you ever noticed that a healthy family reaches out? My wife and I have been blessed with three wonderful children. I love family time around the table. My wife and kids are my favorite people to watch movies with, eat dinner with, and vacation with. I love my family. In a decade or so, all three of my kids will (hopefully) move out. They'll start careers, get married, or start families of their own. Then my dinner table will just need two chairs. But that is exactly how it should be. If you look at my family right now, you'll notice my beautiful wife and darling kids. But if all three of my children still live with Karyn and me in two decades, you'll think there's something wrong with our family. Family movie night that involves snuggling with my 39-year-old daughter while her 36-year-old sister grooms a doll's hair, and my 32-year-old son plays his Nintendo DS is disturbing! Right now it's cute; 25 years from now, it's gross! A small group that is only focused on keeping the band together will actually ruin the very thing they are attempting to protect. If you want to have a healthy, vibrant group, you need to have a mission beyond caring for the people in your family room. Simple things you can do to develop the cultivating pattern in your group: • Study evangelism and spiritual gifts in the group with the purpose of practicing what you learn. • Have each person identify at least two non-Christians they are praying for (and ask for a progress report every couple months). • Adopt a needy part of the world, and learn as much as you can. Pray for the country (or countries) and perhaps support a mission there. • Serve at least quarterly as a group or encourage every group member to serve regularly.

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Your Open Home The main principles and challenges of small-group hospitality. Adapted from Linda McCullough-Moore Group leaders and apprentices need to remember that much of what is taught and learned in a group comes through our actions and behaviors as much as our words. We serve a God that walked on this Earth and dwells in our hearts. He is the Word. And we are his witnesses in word and deed. The issue of hospitality is particularly important in this regard and needs to be understood and practiced in its broadest understanding. In all of its forms, hospitality has one major characteristic: it welcomes and takes in the person to whom it is offered. It does not put emphasis upon the graciousness of the host, or the lavishness of food or drink or entertainment. Rather, it makes the recipient feel valued and cared for. Somehow we have taken the word hospitality as a code word for tea and cookies. But when we look at how hospitality is practiced in the Bible, it is most often a case of one person meeting the needs of another. When Abraham “entertains angels unaware,” he offers them rest from their journey and a meal to sustain them. He offers what they need. Central Principles 1. Host social gatherings. In most cases, small groups will be most effective and successful to the extent that members bring their whole selves to the enterprise—that is, to the extent that people feel welcomed and comfortable to be truly themselves. This goal is enhanced when members are occasionally given the opportunity to get together as a group outside the regular meeting time. Thank God for potlucks. Group leaders do not always have the financial resources to provide large meals for groups of people. But they can offer welcome glasses of lemonade or iced tea, or hot beverages in season. Often the greatest act of hospitality is to welcome other people to your home. This offering communicates welcome and a readiness to give that far more precious gift of time and attention. 2. Come as you are to us as we are. On the most practical level, we have somehow gotten the idea that the concept of hospitality involves a vacuum cleaner and a good supply of cleaning solvents. But the truth is almost paradoxical here. If everything is spotless and tidy every time someone comes to your home, it can feel daunting to visitors. They can feel like their home would never measure up were the visit returned. In addition, when we visit a home where everything is perfect, it makes us feel like “company.” But being invited to the home of a friend for a simple meal with the family, with no special food or ceremony, can make visitors feel valued. It can make them feel included, taken in—that the hosting family is comfortable and welcoming of him. A significant aspect of hospitality is the extent to which the visitor is made to feel a part of things, rather than a visiting outsider. 3. Work as fun. One way a small group can grow closer is to ask for help and to enjoy the fun of working together. One leader I know invited his small group to come to his new home and help him build a stone wall in the front. The day was a true bonding experience and moved group members closer. 4. Attitude is hospitality.

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The extending of hospitality is not confined to opening your home. Phone conversations and emails can be given in the same spirit and with much the same effect—particularly to members of the group who may be more reserved. The Challenges of Hospitality 1. A need for boundaries. One of the chief functions of a group leader is setting boundaries—such things as time, place, membership, agenda, and the basic ways of being together as a group. In certain aspects, these boundaries extend outside the group as well. In order to be a good group leader, an individual needs to have times of quiet and refreshing and also time to accomplish all the necessary jobs and chores of family and personal life. Sometimes group members take to dropping by unannounced or overstaying when they visit. But group leaders do no favors if they allow themselves or their homes to be used without consideration. 2. A need for discernment. This calls for very careful discernment. There are people who will abuse hospitality and our availability, and we need to be prayerful in all encounters, asking God to show us those times when we must respond. People do live lives of quiet desperation, sometimes noisy desperation, and we need to tune in when human contact is really critical. But we must also pray for discernment to evaluate those times when the more helpful thing for the individual is to guide him toward ways of asking for help and attention that are appropriate and productive. One leader I know sometimes invites drop-in guests to lend a hand with simple chores or help with minding her young children. This has proved very helpful for one guest in particular whose real problem is that she does not feel useful or important to anyone else. Hospitality takes many forms in practice. 3. Playing favorites. Group leaders should also keep in mind that they must not be seen playing favorites among group members. It’s not realistic to try and treat everyone equally in terms of time and attention, but do make sure that you don’t camp out with some members and exclude others.

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A Small-Group Leader's Most Important Job Extensive research on small groups shows a leader's prayer life is paramount to success. Adapted from Jim Egli What really creates healthy, growing small groups? I wanted to get to the bottom of this question. I wanted an answer to the question: "What's the most important part of leading a small group?" So I completed a Ph.D. degree and did extensive statistical research involving over 3,000 small-group leaders in more than 200 churches to probe that question, and the answer I found was surprisingly simple. The most important dimension of leading a group is your prayer life — your connection to God. The biggest surprise in our research concerned how small-group leaders prepare for their group meetings. Two questions that we asked leaders were: How much time do you spend on average preparing the lesson for your small-group meeting? and How much time do you spend on average praying for your small-group meeting? Much to our surprise, the research revealed absolutely zero correlation between time spent preparing the lesson and whether the group was growing in any way. In other words, when you statistically compare hundreds of leaders spending two hours preparing their lessons with hundreds of leaders spending five minutes preparing their lesson, there is no difference at all between those two groups in whether their groups are bringing more people to Christ, adding new members, or producing more leaders. But there are very high correlations when it comes to whether the group leaders are praying for their meetings. Most leaders reported spending significantly more time preparing their lesson than they did praying for their meeting. They didn't realize that the time spent preparing their lesson or questions makes little difference, while time spent praying for their members and their meeting makes a big difference. Apparently things depend more on God than on you. Or, put another way, it's more important to prepare your heart than it is to prepare your notes. Why Is Prayer So Important? Why does the prayer life of the leader make such a difference in the health and growth of a small group? The research doesn't tell us why, it only tells us that a very strong correlation exists. But I don't think it's hard to figure out. Jesus said in John 15:5 (NLT): "I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing." When we are connected to Jesus, his life is flowing through us. Leaders who are taking time with Jesus have a secret power source. They are receiving direction. Christ's grace, peace, compassion, and power are flowing more freely to and through their groups. Perhaps the group members are also connecting to Jesus more strongly and consistently themselves. Basically, our research statistically proved John 15:5. If you want to see Jesus' life flowing in your small group, stay connected to him. The most important part of leading a small group is not about your abilities, your personality traits, or getting extensive training. It all comes down to relationships with God and others.


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Tips for Learning How to Pray in Your Growth Group Model It • Be a person of prayer yourself—pray for your members and for who might fill the open chair, asking God to give you his direction in leading the group. • When you pray out loud in the group, keep your prayers honest, authentic, and from your heart. • Basic guide for group prayer: • Short simple prayers create safety. • Simple prayers are direct and honest. • Spirit-led prayers rely on God's power. • Silent prayers are okay for anyone, especially newcomers. Keep It Safe • Don’t call on someone to pray unless you've asked permission beforehand (or you know them well). • Don't expect everyone to pray every time. • Try to avoid praying in a circle. Allow members to pray one at a time as they feel led. • Respect the intimacy level. As the group grows in deepening relationships, a sense of safety will foster a deeper experience in prayer. • Be clear on who will close the prayer time. 
 Guide the Prayer • Give guidelines, but let the Holy Spirit lead. • Avoid lengthy discussions on prayer. • Include prayer each time you meet. • Use a variety of praying methods. What Happens When Group Members Commit to Pray for One Another? Your relationship with Christ and with each other will deepen. You will experience spiritual growth. There is less chance of burnout as you put problems in God's hands and trust members to his care. You allow the Holy Spirit to work in your group so your time together is filling and refreshing. God will answer your prayers in amazing ways, and your faith will increase. Creative Ideas for Group Prayer • Pray through a psalm out loud together. • Vary prayer time among the beginning, middle, and closing of the meeting. • Pick a portion of Scripture to pray for one another during the week (for example, Colossians 1:9 or Ephesians 3:14- 19). • Pray through your church's prayer requests given in the bulletin or program each week. • If someone is in crisis, stop right then and pray for him or her. • Pray for the church, a country, a family in need, specific seeker-oriented events, or any area for which your group has a passion. • Have each member write down requests for the week on a piece of paper, fold the paper, and put it in a hat. Pass the hat, each member agreeing to pray for the person he or she picks and to call to encourage that person during the week.

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• To cut down on the time your group spends talking about prayer requests, give everyone a three-by-five-inch card to write down prayer requests for the week and have them exchange cards with another member of the group. • We need to voice our requests from God's perspective and will (John 5:14-15). The next time you are asked to pray for an event or for someone's health, stop and ask your heavenly Father, "What are your desires, and what can I pray that will cause your desires to take place?" 
 What to Pray for Others: Colossians 1:9-14 Intercessory prayer can be defined as asking God to act on behalf of someone else. Sometimes we don't know how to pray for our friends and family (or even those who have hurt us), yet we know we should pray for them. In Colossians 1:9-14 Paul gave us a pattern to follow when we pray for others. Read this passage and try using it as a pattern the next time you pray. Watch how God answers. So we have not stopped praying for you since we first heard about you. We ask God to give you complete knowledge of his will and to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding. Then the way you live will always honor and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit. All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better. We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy, always thanking the Father. He has enabled you to share in the inheritance that belongs to his people, who live in the light. For he has rescued us from the kingdom of darkness and transferred us into the Kingdom of his dear Son, who purchased our freedom and forgave our sins. — Colossians 1:9-14 (NLT) Pray that ... • they will understand God's will; • they gain spiritual wisdom; • they live a life pleasing and honoring to God; • they do kind things for others; • they know God better and better; • they are filled with God's strength; • they endure in patience; • they stay full in Christ's joy; • they are always thankful; • they recall God's forgiveness of their sins.


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Wrestling with the Scriptures Together Follow Jesus' example of using real-life examples. Adapted from Michael Mack Many times in small groups we equate discipleship with what we study. Jesus, however, did not hold a weekly Bible study with his disciples. He lived out God's living and active Word, and then applied the Scriptures with them as teachable moments sprung up. Jesus, as well as the early church, lived in deep relationships with one another, providing the perfect environment for discipleship to happen naturally. Small-group Bible study itself does not equal discipleship. A Disciple's Definition of Discipleship If you could ask Jesus' original disciples to describe discipleship, they would talk about their yeshiva. Rabbis taught in yeshivas, groups of disciples who would have passionate discussions over some aspect of life and what the Hebrew Scriptures said about it. They would wrestle with the texts together in order to understand God's view on how they should conduct their lives. Most Jewish boys had memorized large amounts of Scripture by the time they were 13 in preparation for their bar mitzvahs, so they didn't need to study what God's Word said as much as discover how to apply it to life. Rabbis used no written curriculum or agenda for the multi-year discipling experience. Their curriculum was life itself. The rabbi observed the daily life of his disciples and then asked probing questions to initiate discussion about observed behaviors. A disciple could also initiate conversations by raising an issue regarding his observation of the rabbi's life or other question. How can we accomplish discipleship like Jesus did it in today's culture? I'll show you some keys to studying the Bible without a set curriculum, but first you'll have to imitate the commitment the disciples had in order for this to work. Commitment A first-century disciple was committed to God, his rabbi, and his yeshiva. More importantly he was committed to being a disciple. Commitment is the starting point, and we can't have healthy, disciple-growing groups without it. Consumers can't be disciples. In a healthy small group today, members need to commit to Christ, the group, and mutual discipleship. 1. Committed to Christ David Watson says, "A disciple is a follower of Jesus. He has committed himself to Christ, to walking Christ's way, to living Christ's life, and to sharing Christ's love and truth with others." Discipleship happens when individuals spend time with God each day. They're reading, studying, and meditating on God's Word in their quiet times. If the only time people open their Bibles is during the smallgroup meeting, that's not enough. That's not healthy. That's not real discipleship. People must be responsible for their own spiritual growth, with the support, encouragement, and accountability of others in the group. The whole group benefits when group members show up at a meeting after communing with God through the week. Group members come prepared to share with one another what God is doing in their lives. All week, God has been pouring into them. Now, when they meet together, he overflows from one life into another—mutual discipleship. A whole group that is spending daily time with God will be overflowing

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with God's love into the lives of others outside the group. It's in these overflowing groups that God adds to the number daily those being saved. 2. Committed to the Group When you start a new group, or when a new person joins your small group, make the commitment to discipleship as clear as possible. Of course, setting the bar high like this has a tradeoff. Some people will not join a group that requires high commitment. But those who accept the challenge will experience a growing relationship with Christ. I imagine it was tough for Jesus to watch the rich young man walk away, but Jesus was committed to making disciples, not attracting crowds of consumers. 3. Committed to Mutual Discipleship Mutual discipleship means we are committed to helping one another grow in our faith. This is what Paul meant when he said that Christ's body should grow and build itself up in love "as each part does its work" (Ephesians 4:16). In the healthiest groups, members are not only committed to their own spiritual growth but also to helping others grow. Wrestling Together Disciples who are spending time in God's Word throughout the week come together to wrestle with the Scriptures together. Together they determine how to live out God's Word. As I learned from Dr. Bill Donahue years ago, a healthy small group does not just study the truth of Scripture (for head knowledge), and it does not just "do life together" in a nice little social club. In a healthy group, the truth of God's Word and real life come together and members grapple with the two. Here's a quick outline for how this works: • A group member says that a particular passage or verse stood out to him or her. • The group member reads the passage aloud. • The leader asks a question related to the passage. • After some discussion, the leader asks a question that gets group members to apply the truth of the passage to their lives. “At Christ Church we use a Sermon-Based Growth Group Model, meaning that we provide both the biblical text from Sunday and some “starter questions” for our Growth Groups. However, this does not mean that we are seeking to control your group and dictate how you wrestle with Scripture. We merely use this as a starting place for your Growth Group to begin your own journey of discovering what God is saying to you through the Scriptures!” — Stephen Setzer Remember the purpose of getting into the Word together is transformation, not just information. The group should wrestle with the Scriptures together, bringing the truth of God's Word into real life.

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Four Questions for Every Small-Group Bible Study Regardless of what you're studying, these questions will help you dig in and connect with God. Adapted from Jim Egli A very common mistake that small-group leaders make in leading a Bible study is asking too many questions. When you ask too many questions, three things happen. First, the same one or two people answer all the questions. Second, you don't go in depth with the passage. And finally, your discussion takes too long, crowding out your time to pray for one another. When you ask fewer questions and spend more time on each one, more people have a chance to share, you go deeper into the Bible, and you allow time to respond to God in prayer. Have you ever noticed in the Gospels that Jesus' own small group was just like yours? Any time he asked a question the same person always answered first—Peter! Sometimes Peter's statements were brilliant (Mark 8:29) and at other times they were totally off the mark (Luke 22:33). By asking fewer questions and spending more time on each one, you give people time to reply. This requires you to have patience and to allow times of silence that give group members a chance to gather their thoughts and their courage to enter into the discussion. Don't dash through the questions. Stay on one for a while. Give people other than the Peters in your group a chance to respond. One reason that we as leaders are tempted to ask too many questions is that most small-group discussion guides include too many questions. Often they will suggest as many as 20 questions. Your group doesn't have time to discuss even half that many. Instead, you should ask just a few questions, and that may require you to move through curricula or books of the Bible more slowly. A half of a chapter in the Bible tends to be more than enough to talk about. In my 35 years of leading small groups, I keep coming back to the same four questions that help people delve into a text, apply it to their lives, and respond to God. These questions will work with any Bible passage. Here are the four questions that you should ask every time you lead a small-group discussion. Question One: "What stands out to you in this passage?" I love this question! There is no right or wrong answer. It invites anyone and everyone to jump into the discussion. People new to the Bible and Bible geeks—seekers, scholars, doubters, and dreamers—can share whatever they want. People can offer something goofy or something brilliant, a question or an insight. You never know what you might hear. At the same time, the things that surface in this part of the discussion are pivotal. People are facing struggles, grappling with questions, and learning lessons from the Holy Spirit—and these all have a chance to emerge when we ask this question. I almost always use this exact wording. "What stands out to you in this passage?" But there are other ways to ask the same thing. Here are some variations: • What do you like in this passage? What don't you like? • What word or phrase strikes you in this passage? • What question comes to your mind when you hear or read these verses? • How does this passage speak to you right now? Regardless of how you ask it, your goal is to invite people to look at the passage and listen and respond to it in new ways. Don't hurry to move to the next question. Let people engage with Scripture, with its themes, and with

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one another. Look around the room. Can you see the wheels spinning in someone's mind? Ask that curious, thoughtful person if he or she has something to share. Sometimes people will ask challenging questions in this part of the study, or even flat out disagree with the Bible passage. When I first starting leading small groups, that scared me because I thought I needed to have answers or defend the Bible. Now I love honest questions and objections. I've learned that I don't need to have all the answers and that the best way to handle a tough question is to toss it back to the group and see if others have insights. I've learned that I don't ever need to defend the Bible because it is its own authority. Instead, my primary focus is on creating an atmosphere where people can express whatever questions, thoughts, or struggles are on their mind. Question 2: "What do you think the main point of the passage is?" This question invites your group to get to the heart of the passage. Again, there are different ways to ask it. You might reword it in different sessions or even ask the same question in different ways in the same session. For example, you could also ask: • What do you think Jesus (Paul, the psalmist, the writer) is really trying to say? • What truth or truths are at the heart of this passage? • How would you summarize the message of this passage in one sentence or one phrase? • What do you think is the most important word in these verses? Let the group dig in and discuss the central message of the passage and how it relates to life. Besides your question, others in the group might ask questions that they have. If these questions relate to the Scripture at hand and its theme, let them guide and shape your discussion. If people get off topic with comments and questions, call them back to the passage after a brief time. You might say something like, "That was a great discussion. Now getting back to the passage . . ." followed by a repetition or variation of question two. Once the key message of the passage has emerged in a clear and compelling way, it's time to move to the next question. Question 3: "Can you illustrate this truth with an example from your own life?" After the main point of the passage has become clear, you want to look at how it applies to your group members' everyday lives in powerful and practical ways. The most effective way to do this is to invite them to look at how they have seen evidence of the truth already playing out in their lives. So for instance, in a study on Matthew 18:23–35, the main point that would emerge in questions one and two would be that we should forgive others because God has fully forgiven us. You might then phrase question three as: "Can you think of someone that you have been able to forgive, because of your realization of God's total forgiveness of you? Tell us a bit of that story." Again, this question can be asked in different ways. The goal is to get people to share examples of the truth expressed in real life, whether in their own or others' lives. There are other ways to ask question three for Matthew 18:23–35: • Can you think of someone who exemplifies God's generous forgiveness toward others? When have you seen them forgive?

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• Can you think of a situation where you struggled to forgive someone but then were able to forgive? What helped you take this step? What practical difference did forgiving make in your own life? • Whose story of forgiveness serves as an example or inspiration to you? Why? The reason why I love question three is because it helps my group members take the powerful truths of the Bible and the nitty-gritty of their everyday experience and mix them together. This enables them to visualize the biblical principles and see how to apply them in their everyday lives in real ways. After people have grappled with how the truth of the passage is fleshed out in their everyday lives, it's time for your final question. Question 4: "What do you want to ask God for right now?" With your final question you want to move people from looking at and listening to the passage to responding to God. This question intentionally asks, "What do you want to ask God for?" rather than, "What does it mean for you to obey this passage?" Here's why: Ultimately your group members need to come to God and respond to him, rather than responding to an abstract truth. In John 5:39–40, Jesus says to a group of Bible thumpers: "You study the Scriptures diligently because you think that in them you have eternal life. These are the very Scriptures that testify about me, yet you refuse to come to me to have life." It is possible to focus too much on the Bible. The purpose of the Bible is to point beyond itself and lead us to Christ. The Bible itself, as wonderful as it is, does not give life or change our lives. Only God can do that. Teach your group to go to God. It's okay to ask, "What does it mean for you to obey this passage?" or, "How does this truth apply to your life right now?" But a question like that can't be your final question. In effect, questions like that are part of question three or they serve to transition to your final question. In the end you must ask a question that helps people bring their needs and their struggles directly to God. Again, there are different ways to ask this. Here are some possible questions that move people from looking at the passage to looking to God and responding to him: • What do you need from God right now to live out this truth? • How do you hear God speaking to you, encouraging you, or directing you, through this Scripture? • As you think about what we have discussed, what is one thing you want to ask God for? • How would you respond if Jesus asked you right now, "What do you want me to do for you?" After you ask your final question, you might want to move into smaller groups to let people respond and pray for one another. Smaller groups allow more time for everyone to share and receive prayer. If I am leading a larger group, I often divide the group into groups of four or five, or have the men and women share with one another in different rooms. Research shows that for the purposes of both openness and comfort, five is the optimal number of people for these deeper sharing groups. How to Lead a Great Bible Study To summarize, don't ask too many questions. Take more time on fewer questions, allowing more people to share and giving the group the opportunity to go deeper into the passage and respond to God himself. Four proven questions to use in every small group Bible study are: !22

1. What stands out to you in this passage? 2. What do you think the main point is? 3. Can you illustrate this truth with an example from your own life? 4. What do you want to ask God for right now? You can and should vary how you ask these questions: 1. To help people delve into the passage. 2. To grapple with its central message. 3. To look at how it's lived out in everyday experience. 4. To guide them to God so that they can respond to and receive from him. If you do these four things every time you lead a small-group Bible study, people's lives will be changed— including your own.


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Essential Elements of Your Growth Group Covenant Your group may decide on other elements, but these are the essentials. Commitment It’s important to agree from the beginning what each person’s commitment can and will be for the duration of the group. Answer questions such as: • How often will we meet? Weekly? Bi-weekly? Monthly? • For how long will we meet? 3 months? 6 months? 1 year? 2 years? • Will there be seasons in which will will not meet or meet less frequently? For example, do people want to meet in the summer months? The month of August? Will you meet in December? • How long will each individual group meeting last? (We encourage groups to meet for no longer than 90 minutes in the beginning.) • Will the meetings fluctuate in time from one meeting to another or will there be a set time? • Who is going to host? Will it be the same person? Or will there be a rotation? • What are the expectations for the host? Will there be food and drink? Confidentiality You need to agree that what is said in the group, stays in the group. Don’t just take this for granted; talk about it with others letting them know that as the group develops greater comfort with one another things will come up that need to be kept confidential. Respect How do you expect people to talk to one another? For example, when someone is talking is it okay for them to be interrupted by another person in the group? Is it okay for one person to dominate the conversation? Or conversely, is it okay for some people to never talk? Is there an expectation for mutuality? If so, then it’s helpful to get articulate those expectations from the very beginning. Purpose Will your group have a particular charism (meaning “gift”). Growth Groups are about growing our relationship with Jesus; however, each group will have gifts that differ in unique ways. It will be helpful to talk about this together. Particularly, what do people want out of their group? Greater friendships? Deeper study of Scripture? Active service with the poor? You will likely not reach a conclusion about this at your first meeting, but it will be good to start your group thinking about this for future meetings.

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