Guidelines for Weddings


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Guidelines for Weddings

St. Mary’s Episcopal Cathedral, Memphis, TN

Guidelines for Weddings at St. Mary’s Episcopal Cathedral, Memphis, TN Congratulations on your engagement, and thank you for considering St. Mary's as a sacred place to host your wedding! We believe the Cathedral is a most excellent venue for couples to experience their nuptials. We are here to assist you as you enter into married life reverently, deliberately and merrily. We understand the wedding ceremony to be only the first of many holy steps toward life-long communion and commitment with one another and with God through the Church. We understand our role as one that blesses a couple’s vows for a life-long relationship and commits to helping the marriage partners flourish in that relationship. The Cathedral wishes to make every effort to support your new family in its spiritual growth and nurture.

GETTING STARTED The following is the order for scheduling a wedding at St. Mary’s Cathedral: 1. Before any plans are finalized or a wedding date scheduled on the Cathedral calendar, please contact Judy Phillips, Cathedral Administrator, to coordinate clergy availability. Cathedral Clergy all share in the wedding preparation of our wonderful couples. Judy Phillips: 527-3361 or [email protected] . 2. In order to secure your date, please complete the Wedding Form and return it with a nonrefundable deposit of $100 to Judy Phillips. 3. Once a clergy person has been designated, you will meet with that priest to begin pre-marital counseling sessions and finalize the rehearsal and wedding dates. Since weddings at St. Mary’s Cathedral are liturgies of the faith community, they involve the participation of many different people with different functions, and adequate advance notice is essential. The Canon Laws of the Church require a minimum of thirty days notice for a wedding. However, St. Mary’s needs arrangements made as far in advance as possible in order to insure against scheduling difficulties. Advance notice of at least nine months is the rule rather than the exception. Weddings are not to be scheduled during the season of Lent. In addition, St. Mary’s does not schedule weddings on Christmas Eve and Day, New Year’s Eve and Day, Easter Eve and Day, Memorial Day, July 4th, Labor Day, Thanksgiving Day, Sundays, and any other holiday the Cathedral elects to recognize by closing its offices. 4. The couple contacts Martha Morris, Cathedral Wedding Coordinator, for an appointment as soon as the wedding date has been finalized. Martha: 901-490-2106 or [email protected] 5. The couple continues their pre-marital counseling sessions that have been arranged during the initial meeting with the priest. Pre-marital counseling includes the following: a) A minimum of four sessions with the priest; and b) if offered, participation in a pre-marital workshop which   2    

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would take place on a Friday night and during the day on a Saturday. During the course of this process, the priest will make a final decision whether or not to proceed with the marriage at St. Mary’s under the guidelines and canons of St. Mary’s and the Episcopal Church of the Diocese of West Tennessee. The couple then makes an appointment with the Cathedral organist. Rehearsals are always set for 4 PM the day prior to the wedding. Please plan Rehearsal Dinners accordingly. The time of weddings range from 10:30 AM to 7 PM. Saturday is the preferred day. Episcopal clergy from other churches may also officiate at a wedding at the Cathedral if arrangements are made with the Priest. Clergy of other denominations or faiths may be invited to assist with a wedding ceremony, but the St. Mary’s clergy staff will be responsible for officiating for the portion of the service in which partners exchange vows and rings, and at the final blessings. Any announcement of a wedding at St. Mary's Episcopal Cathedral should not be made until the couple has had an interview with the priest, the priest consents to officiate, and St. Mary’s Wedding Guidelines have been read and initialed. IN THE CASE OF REMARRIAGE

In the case that either party has been married before and divorced and the former spouse is still living, four months is best allowed between the initial application and the date of the wedding. No plans may be finalized until the Bishop’s permission is secured by the officiating priest. MUSIC FOR THE WEDDING St. Mary’s is always available for weddings without music, but when music is desired, the organist of St. Mary’s is engaged. The wedding liturgy is, first of all, an act of worship of God and a church service of festival proportions. The music must remain within the liturgical requirements of the Prayer Book and is of the same spirit and nature as for Sunday services. Our Canon Organist/Choirmaster is responsible for overseeing the selection of music at all weddings at St. Mary’s, regardless of whether or not he will be your organist. He will ensure that all of your wedding music will be appropriate for this sacred service and all final decisions must be approved by him. Both our Canon Organist/Choirmaster and our Assistant Organist/Choirmaster have the first right of refusal for all wedding liturgies at St. Mary’s Cathedral. If you have a relative or friend who is a professional organist/pianist and is familiar with the format of the Episcopal wedding liturgy, you may invite that person to serve as the performing Organist/Pianist at your wedding. This person must be auditioned and approved in advance by the Canon Organist/Choirmaster and/or Dean. You are welcome to invite additional instrumentalists (e.g. violin, string quartet, flute, etc.) or vocalists (e.g. soloist to full choir) to take part in your wedding liturgy. Please refer to the fee schedule on page 8 for the additional cost surrounding guest musicians. Should you wish to have additional musicians but do not have an idea whom to hire, our Canon Organist/Choirmaster can supply you with local musicians who have experience playing/singing at St. Mary’s. Please note that musicians’ fees vary   3    

widely, but you can expect to pay at least $100 for each guest musician. Guest musicians rarely attend the wedding rehearsal. MUSIC SELECTION GUIDELINES • • • •





Only music of a sacred or classical nature is appropriate. This includes the opening and closing voluntaries and all music for the ceremony itself. Pop Music is not allowed! Such music is more appropriate for the wedding reception and really is incongruent with the sacred wedding liturgy. We do not allow the playing of pre-recorded music (CDs, cassettes, videos) at any time. This includes the time prior to and after the wedding. Instruments: St. Mary’s has a fantastic, large pipe organ and a grand piano. Either or both may be used for your wedding, but please note that our acoustics are much more conducive to organ music. Music consultation: Your organist will schedule a meeting with you to select all of the music for your ceremony. Both of our musicians have a large repertoire of appropriate music, and they will be happy to demonstrate for you in our cathedral space. Singers/Instrumentalists: Our Canon Organist/Choirmaster can recommend any number of musicians you may wish to hire. Outside musicians are paid separately, and fees vary from musician to musician. Contact Information for St. Mary’s Organists:

Ty Legge, Assistant Organist/Choirmaster [email protected]; office: 901.527.3361 THE ACOLYTE(S) The Wedding Coordinator will appoint one or two of St. Mary’s acolytes to serve the priest or the bride may supply with approval from officiating priest. THE WEDDING PARTY It is necessary that all members of the wedding party attend the rehearsal. The Cathedral does not recommend flower girls or ring bearers, as they may create distractions during this special service. Should there be an exception, flower girls and ring bearers should be at least four years of age.

DECORATIONS IN THE CATHEDRAL The couple may choose the floral designer they wish; however, floral arrangements, candles, and other decorations for all weddings at St. Mary’s are in the charge of the Altar Guild. The Wedding Coordinator will advise the bride regarding the suitability of flowers and other decorations in the church. The Wedding Coordinator will give written guidelines to the bride and to the florist.

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The Episcopal Church values simplicity in the presentation of flowers at a wedding. As the central symbol of our faith, the cross is the focal point for all services. Accordingly, flower arrangements should enhance, not overwhelm, the cross. In addition, St. Mary’s wedding banner can be selected by the couple to be used during the liturgy. All flowers and/or decorations in the Cathedral proper must be approved by the Wedding Coordinator. Other flowers worn or carried by members of the wedding party are left to the discretion of the couple. All decorations for the Cathedral and flowers for the wedding party must be in place at the Cathedral at least two hours before the ceremony. The wedding flowers used in the chancel or in the chapel will remain for Sunday liturgies. The flowers will be designated in the Sunday Service bulletin “In thanksgiving for the marriage of _______.” A. In the sanctuary and the Chancel— 1. Flowers on the altar are to be arranged in the church containers. Only two arrangements may be placed on the table (one step above the placement of the fair linen). Artificial flowers are not permitted. No flowers, vines, etc. should trail below the base of the container or be attached to the cross, the reredos, or the altar. 2. Potted plants or free standing floral arrangements are not allowed. 3. Candles, as used for Sunday services and provided by the Cathedral, are permitted on the altar. 4. A “unity candle” is not used in the Episcopal Church. B. In the Nave— 1. Pew markers, either of flowers, greenery, and/or ribbon, may be used; however, under no conditions shall decorations be higher than six inches above the pew or attached to the pews or other furniture by pinning, gluing, nailing, or taping. 2. Simple decorations of greenery and/or flowers may be used on the stair rails leading to the Chancel. 3. Potted plants or free standing floral arrangements are not allowed. 4. No wedding runner may be used. 5. No flower petals may be strewn. 6. No decorations are permitted around or on the Baptismal Font or the processional cross. 7. No decorations are permitted around or on the Paschal Candle except during Eastertide. 8. Niche candles and aisle candles are available for an additional cost. C. In the Chapel— The above guidelines apply to the chapel with the following exceptions: 1. Only two arrangements are permitted on the retable. 2. The flowers should not completely cover the cross. Height should not exceed 45 inches above the retable. In other areas— Greenery and/or ribbons may be used on the wrought iron rails outside the cathedral.

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THE SERVICE BULLETIN St. Mary’s requires the printing of a wedding service leaflet containing the complete order of service. A standard leaflet form can be obtained from the Associate for Liturgy, Ty Legge, who oversees details of the printing; the couple is responsible for the cost. He will e-mail the Wedding Service Leaflet information sheet to the bride and will request to have the information returned at least two (2) weeks prior to the wedding. A rough draft will be sent in PDF format for proofing and for making any other changes. PHOTOGRAPHY AND VIDEOGRAPHY The couple may choose any photographer they wish; however, they must inform the Cathedral Administrator of their choice and guidelines will be sent to the photographer by Judy Phillips, Cathedral Administrator. A form requiring the photographer/videographer’s signature, acknowledging his understanding of the guidelines, must be returned to the Cathedral. St. Mary’s recommends that photos be taken before the marriage service with the couple arriving at least three hours before the time of the wedding. The photographer must finish shooting inside the Cathedral at least 30 minutes before the service begins. Out of consideration for guests waiting at the reception, if photos are to be taken after the service, the photographer must conclude within 20 minutes. It is suggested that the first picture include the priest, if desired. Because of the dignity of a wedding as a service of worship, no photography or bright artificial lights are permitted. Minimal photography may be taken during the wedding, but the photographer must remain in the rear of the church and use a camera with an unpronounced shutter sound. One flash picture may be taken from the rear of the church as the couple leaves the Cathedral. An audio-visual recording of the wedding may be made from the back of the center aisle. TV monitors and/or cabling of any kind may not be used. It is the responsibility of the bridal couple to inform family and friends as to the rules of St. Mary’s Cathedral concerning photography during the service. THE MARRIAGE LICENSE The marriage license is issued at the Shelby County Clerk’s office. To receive a license, both parties must apply in person. Proof of age, such as birth certificate, driver’s license, or passport, must be presented. Cash is required to obtain a license. Those under the age of 21 must also have parental consent. All applicants must observe a three-day waiting period. For addresses of Clerk Offices in Shelby County: http://www.shelbycountytn.gov/index.aspx?nid=574 . The marriage license should be brought to the officiating priest at the rehearsal. The parish secretary will mail the signed license to the Clerk’s Office after the wedding. THE HOLY EUCHARIST Holy Eucharist is suggested as a part of the wedding service. It is most appropriate for the married couple’s first act to be that of thanksgiving at God’s Table and sharing in the Sacrament of   6    

Christ’s Body and Blood. Since, in the Episcopal Church, Holy Communion is open to all persons who desire to receive the sacrament, it is not appropriate for only the couple to receive. Everyone may receive! If the Eucharist is not celebrated at the wedding, the couple may prefer to celebrate a prenuptial Eucharist thirty minutes prior to the wedding rehearsal. THE WEDDING REHEARSAL Wedding rehearsals are scheduled at 4:00 p.m. on the evening before the wedding. All members of the wedding party including readers, ring bearers, and all others involved with the service are expected to attend and to be on time, as the rehearsal involves many individuals. If there is a dinner, it should always be after the rehearsal. Except in unusual circumstances, a rehearsal lasts no longer than 45 minutes. At St. Mary’s Episcopal Cathedral, brides participate fully in the rehearsal. The officiating priest conducts the rehearsal with help from the Wedding Coordinators. The organist does not customarily attend the wedding rehearsal. Please Note: Consuming alcoholic beverages prior to or during the rehearsal and/or the wedding service is unacceptable. Persons doing so may be told they cannot participate in the service at the discretion of the clergy person. Having to explain to the bride/groom why he/she is missing the big day is something one does not want to do! THE WEDDING DAY The Cathedral will be open three hours before the wedding. All members of the wedding party should arrive at the Cathedral not less than two hours before the scheduled time for the wedding unless photographs are being taken prior to the wedding. Women in the wedding party will use the Crypt. Men will be in the Parish Hall. Again, there is no drinking of alcoholic beverages in these areas or on any of the Cathedral premises. Smoking is permitted only in the courtyards. St. Mary’s recommends that no food be served prior to or during the wedding; however, if because of the time of the wedding, food is needed for the wedding party, the bridal party is responsible for clean-up in these areas. Ice water is provided by the Cathedral for the bridal party. Immediately following the liturgy, all possessions of the wedding party must be removed from the building, and all areas are to be left as they were found. The Cathedral assumes no responsibility for lost or stolen items. Guards are on duty three hours prior to the service and thirty minutes following the conclusion of the liturgy.

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RECEPTIONS AT THE CATHEDRAL Cars may not be left in St. Mary’s parking lot if the reception is off site, due to the locking of gates. The Parish Hall, Crypt and courtyards are available for wedding receptions for a fee. These facilities must be reserved well in advance by contacting Judy Phillips, Cathedral Administrator. In order to prepare for the following day’s ministries, the reception should extend no longer than three hours from start time. For example: A wedding starting at 4:00 would have a reception beginning at 5:30 and ending at 8:30 (3 hours for reception). After a reservation has been confirmed, Reception Guidelines will be sent to the caterer or to the person in charge of the reception. The caterer along with the bride must contact, Judy Phillips, Cathedral Administrator to approve the reception plans and to acquaint the parties with the facilities. The bride’s family furnishes the flowers and decorations, cakes and any other food, beverages, napkins and serving pieces. Under no conditions shall decorations be attached to walls or woodwork by pinning, gluing, nailing or taping. Alcoholic beverages are permitted within the following guidelines: 1. No alcoholic beverage may be offered or consumed on Cathedral property until the reception. It is the responsibility of the bride and groom and/or their families to see that all members of the wedding party observe this guideline. 2. Alcoholic beverages may be served directly from the bottles, if the bottles are wrapped in a white napkin and served by a bartender, or served by a bartender from behind properly dressed tables. If the reception is to include more than 50 guests, two professional bartenders should be engaged to serve. Unopened bottles should be stored in the kitchen or under skirted tables and out of sight unless they are needed. The setting up of any type of “fountain” is against Cathedral policy. 3. A non-alcoholic alternative beverage MUST be offered. It, too, should be attractively displayed and in an obvious, visible place in the Parish Hall and/or the courtyards. 4. St. Mary’s has no objection to live music; however the types of music and the noise level should be tasteful and moderate. A piano is available in the Crypt and can be moved to the Parish Hall for a fee. Following the reception, it is the responsibility of the caterer and the bride’s family to leave the kitchen, Parish Hall and courtyards clean and straight. All trash should be sealed in plastic trash bags and given to the Sexton for disposal. Rice, bird seed, confetti, and flower petals are not to be thrown at or on the wedding couple. This is to insure the safety of the guests leaving the Cathedral, as well as that of the wedding party.

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WEDDING FEES There are no fees for the sacrament of marriage. However, it is appropriate to designate an honorarium to the priest. Other fees for the event do apply (see below). •



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For active members of St. Mary’s Cathedral and their immediate family members $1000 plus honorarium for clergy; $1,550 including reception in Parish Hall or Crypt Immediate family includes, children, parents, grandparents For inactive members of St. Mary’s Cathedral and their immediate family members $2000 plus honorarium for clergy; $2,650 including reception in Parish Hall or Crypt Inactive members are not regular in attendance and non-pledging Episcopalians inside the Diocese of West Tennessee - $3,000 St. Mary’s Episcopal School alum - $3,000

+$50 If additional musicians are hired, the organist will need to schedule separate rehearsal times with those musicians. $50 will be required for each additional rehearsal with other musicians. For instance, if there is a trumpeter AND a vocalist, two rehearsals will be required, adding an additional $100 to the total amount. This is separate from the amount paid to any additional musicians, which varies depending upon the musician. Please speak with the Canon Organist/Choirmaster for questions about these added fees. **Nursery Care and niche candles are optional fees. Contact Martha Morris. ***Repair of any damages incurred.

Again, thank you for trusting St. Mary’s during this most sacred time in your lives!

Please initial: _________ (bride)

___________ (groom)

Date: _________________

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Marriage Preparation Checklist Names: __________________________________________________________________ Getting Started: ____ Wedding Manual distributed on: ______ ____ $100 non-refundable deposit and Wedding Form given to Parish Administrator ____ Initialed copy of Manual given to Priest for records ____ Make appointment with Martha Morris, Cathedral Wedding Coordinator ____ Make appointment with Cathedral organist Meetings: ____ Four Premarital Sessions with clergy member (more if asked for or needed) ____ Meet with Cathedral Wedding Coordinator ____ Meet with Cathedral Organist Paperwork: ____ Marriage License – please bring to the REHEARSAL ____ Readings for service due to Ty Legge by: _________ ____ Music selections chosen with Organist and shared with Ty Legge by: ___________ In case of Remarriage: ____ Final Decree of Divorce (for all individuals who are divorced). Please allow 30 days for Bishop to review and complete Consent form

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