happy happy happy life groups leaders guide

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WEEK ONE

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY April 27 & 28, 2014 Pastor Harry Kuehl It’s a scary thing when you discover that the dysfunction you mock in a reality TV show, you suddenly see mirrored in your own marriage. What do you do when life begins to overwhelm and swamp the dream you had of living happily ever after with your spouse? How do you handle it when you wake up and realize our expectations far exceed our realities and the person we thought would be our best friend forever lets us down? If you’re feeling swamped in your marriage, join us over the next 5 weeks as we uncover God’s secrets for sustaining a marriage made in Heaven.

LIFE GROUPS LEADERS GUIDE MESSAGE NOTES GENESIS 2:18-25

PERSONAL STUDY QUESTIONS 1. Do you think you know yourself best or does the person closest to you know you best? Could you defend your opinion on this if you had to?

2. Read the scripture verses from this weekend’s message, Genesis 2:18-25. Why do you think God told Adam to name all the animals? 18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” 19 Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. 20 The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. 21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

No right or wrong answer here since the text doesn’t specifically say. But we can deduce a few things. First, since Adam’s intellect hadn’t been affected by the Fall yet, he was most likely super-intelligent. Naming the animals was probably not an exhaustive task but it was most likely a revelatory one. Adam did not name any other animal after himself, calling any other animal “man” or “human”. He obviously understood that he was different from all the animals. They were not made in God’s image. It was probably also quite apparent to Adam that as the animals came in pairs he would see that he had no mate. It would seem that God deliberately had Adam name the animals to prepare Adam for Eve.

God addresses Adam’s aloneness by saying He will make a ‘helper’ for him, rather than a ‘companion.’ Why do you think He phrased it that way? This should make for interesting discussion. One person who responded to this question on Yahoo said: “… [C]ompanion fits dogs too. It [companion] means 'someone who eats bread with you". ..helper is a higher designation.” From Got.questions: The word translated “helper” is the Hebrew term ‘ezer. This word is even used of God, sometimes, noting that He is our Helper (Psalm 115:9-11). We would certainly not view God, as a Helper, as subservient to humans, nor should we understand the role of “helper” in Genesis 2:18 as a position of subservience. The concept of an “ideal partner” seems to convey the thought best. The second important Hebrew word in this verse, translated “fit” is kenegdo. It literally means “according to the opposite of him.” In other words, the focus is on an appropriate match. Eve was not created above or below Adam; she was complementary. The animals Adam had named each had an appropriate companion (Genesis 2:20), and Adam was given a fitting companion as well. Eve was “just right” for him. http://www.gotquestions.org/woman-helper-suitable.html#ixzz2zpUPbVq6 Note: “There is a beautiful Jewish tradition saying God made woman, not out of man’s foot to be under him, nor out of his head to be over him, but “She was taken from under his arm that he might protect her and from next to his heart that he might love her.” (Barnhouse)

3. What have you learned about God through your closest relationships? This question is to foster discussion no matter who is in your group, married or not. Often we see in other people attributes of God because they are made in His image. We also see how patient He is toward us as we see the flaws in other people and that He loves them (and us) anyway.

What have you learned about yourself?

4. Take a look at 1 Corinthians 13:11. What do you think it means to “reason like a child”? “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.” This words for ‘reason’ in the Greek has three basic definitions, the third of which reminds me most of how a

child thinks. They are: 1. to have understanding, be wise 2.to feel, to think, to have an opinion of one's self, cherish the same views, be harmonious 3. To direct one's mind to a thing, to seek, to strive for, to seek one's interest or advantage. How do you think most children maintain their closest personal relationships? Think about the children you know or think back to how you were as a child with your best friends, which would be the closest relationship to marriage (since you choose your friends just as you choose your spouse). What typifies a child’s strongest social relationships, both the good and the bad? Is there any carry-over of these first personal skills into your adult relationships or your marriage, if you are married?

5. Communication is a big part of a true connection with someone else. What makes a good communicator? Below are excerpts from interesting list of best communicator traits published by Forbes magazine, good fodder for discussion: • Be worthy of the trust given you. “…people will forgive many things where trust exists, but will rarely forgive anything where trust is absent.” • Focus on the leave-behinds not the take-aways: “The best communicators are not only skilled at learning and gathering information…they are also adept at transferring ideas, aligning expectations, inspiring action, and spreading their vision. The key is to approach each interaction with a servant’s heart. When you truly focus on contributing more than receiving you will have accomplished the goal.” • Shut-up and listen: “Simply broadcasting your message … will not have the same result as engaging in meaningful conversation, but this assumes that you understand that the greatest form of discourse takes place within a conversation, and not a lecture or a monologue.” • Replace ego with empathy:

What part does listening play? See the bulleted item above 6. It has been said the secret to a great marriage – or any close relationship – lies more with you than in changing your spouse or circumstances. Do you agree? Why? It may seem simplistic and obvious but God frequently doesn’t change our difficult circumstances – which he could do with one word – He prefers instead to use those difficult circumstances to change US. And since His goal is to make us more like Christ, it shouldn’t come as a huge surprise that challenging circumstances bring out our worst so that we can see what’s inside us that needs to go. Deeply personal relationships will often show us where we need to mature the most.

7. Author John Fischer wrote: “The success of marriage comes not in finding the ‘right’ person, but in the ability of both partners to adjust to the real person they inevitably realize they married.” What does this statement mean to you?

8. A Mayo Clinic article states: “Although you may have thought, as many people do, that happiness comes from being born rich or beautiful or living a stress-free life, the reality is that people who have wealth, beauty or less stress are not happier on average than those of who don't enjoy those blessings. People who are happy seem to intuitively know that their happiness is the sum of their life choices.” How much would you say God is involved in how you make life choices that affect the closest people in your life? More from that article: “People who are happy seem to intuitively know that their happiness is the sum of their life choices, and their lives are built on the following pillars: •Devoting time to family and friends •Appreciating what they have •Maintaining an optimistic outlook •Feeling a sense of purpose •Living in the moment If you have been looking for happiness, the good news is that your choices, thoughts and actions can influence your level of happiness.” Interesting that these findings come from a non-religious, health magazine and secular studies. And great for discussion. Assume God is your most important personal relationship. How do these pillars (Time, Gratitude, Hope, Purpose and Being Present) fit in with maintaining that relationship? If you have married members in your group, continue the discussion with how these pillars speak to the marriage relationship. Personal Meditation: How a relationship starts very often determines where it will end up. This week consider how much time you spent in the past defining your dreams and expectations of your closest human relationships. How many of your expectations revolved around you? How many had (or have) more to do with the other person than with yourself? If there is imbalance here, pray for wisdom this week to adjust your expectations to align with 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Memorize Romans 12: 9-10 – “Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.”