Hitting the Mark: Marriage August 26, 2012 Katniss...
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Hitting the Mark: Marriage Sermon Series Discussion Guide By Keith Speights
August 26, 2012
Katniss Everdeen, the main character in the book and movie The Hunger Games, walked into the judging area. She picked up the bow and an arrow, mindful of the judges in the upper gallery who were barely paying attention. Katniss pulled the string back and let the arrow fly. But she missed badly. The arrow wasn't even close to the bull's-‐eye mark. The judges laughed and proceeded to totally ignore her. Still nervous and now frustrated, Katniss picked up another arrow and took another shot. This time, the arrow hit the target dead center. However, none of the judges were even looking. No one noticed her accomplishment. They were all eating, drinking, laughing and talking among themselves. Now she was angry. Seeing a roasted pig with a red apple stuffed in its mouth, she came up with her plan B. Katniss drew the string back and sent an arrow speeding directly into the apple. All of the judges immediately stopped what they were doing. This time they noticed. Sometimes when we miss the mark, we do the same thing that Katniss Everdeen did. We create our own target. That's what the Jewish people had done regarding marriage by the time of Jesus' ministry. People in our modern world are still trying to create their own targets with respect to marriage. But what is the real target? My great-‐grandparents were both born in the 1890s. They lived long enough to celebrate over 70 years of marriage. I can still vividly remember my great-‐grandfather's funeral when my great-‐grandmother walked to the casket just before it was to be closed. With tears in her eyes, she leaned down and kissed her beloved husband for the last time on this earth. Enduring marriages like theirs serve as great examples for us. We can definitely learn from others who have lived their lives in a loving and faithful relationship. However, the real target to aim for with respect to marriage is found in the relationship between Christ and His church. Our passage this week, Ephesians 5:21-‐ 33, focuses on the parallels between these two bonds.
LEARN Paul wrote the letter to the Ephesians while imprisoned in Rome. He knew the church at Ephesus well, having lived and ministered there for a three-‐year period. The church lived in the midst of a pagan culture that had values and lifestyles quite different from God's ideal. A major theme for Paul's letter focuses on how Christians should live their lives differently from unbelievers. Ephesians 5:21-‐33 extends this theme to the marriage relationship. “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands as to the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:21-‐22) Paul begins his instructions regarding marriage by discussing submission. Many people jump directly to verse 22 where Paul instructs wives to submit to their husbands. However, skipping verse 21 misses an important point. Paul actually instructs all Christians to submit to each other. The foundation for this mutual submission is to be reverence for Christ. We could even say that the foundation for marriage itself is reverence for Christ. The Greek word translated as "submit" is hupotasso. This word originally was a military term referring to arranging troops under a leader. The word ultimately became used to refer to voluntary cooperation. It is this usage that appears to be what Paul had in mind. “For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” (Ephesians 5:21-‐24) In these verses, Paul squarely puts the burden of leadership for families on husbands. However, he is also clear that the husband's leadership itself is to be guided solely by Christ. Success or failure in marriage will be heavily impacted by the husband's obedience to Jesus. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” (Ephesians 5:25-‐27) The type of love used in this passage refers to unconditional and sacrificial love. This is the love that Jesus exemplified for the church. He gave up everything so that the church could be made holy. The call upon husbands is to pattern their love for their wives after Christ's love for his church. That is a tough act to follow, but it is the standard by which husbands are to be held accountable. The purpose of this love is to make the objects of the love (the church and wives) holy and blameless. The chief goal of husbands, then, is to love their wives in such a way as to develop their spiritual walk to conform with the holiness desired by God. “In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” (Ephesians 5:28-‐33) The key concept in these verses is the nearly incomprehensible unity that a husband and wife should have. If a married couple has this unity, the husband will love his wife just as he loves himself – because his wife will be
a part of his very self. The passage doesn't state that the same is true if the wife loves her husband, but it is certainly implied. If they become one, she will love her husband as herself in the exact same way. LIVE In many ways, our world isn't all that different from the world of the first century. Selfishness, pride and lack of faith in the one true God permeate our society as they did back then. The culture then tried to redefine marriage to fit its own views. Many in our world are attempting to do the same thing. God's view of marriage, though, can be surmised from the phrase mentioned in Ephesus 5:31 but originated in Genesis 2:24 – "the two will become one flesh". This concept goes beyond a mere legal contract. Although we often refer to marriage as a covenant, the idea is more expansive than even a covenant. It involves something much more profound. Two becoming one flesh can only happen through something greater than either contract or covenant. It can only happen through God. Many marriages don't end well because they don't start well. They don't start with Christ as foundation. Some marriages start well but are derailed because one or both spouses wander spiritually. How can marriages be successful for a lifetime? Paul gives us several key ingredients in Ephesians 5: Both husband and wife base the marital relationship on reverence for Christ Husbands serve as the spiritual leaders of the family Focus on following Christ in all ways to live holy lives Love and respect each other The reality is that we as humans miss the mark in lots of ways – including marriage. The good news is that Jesus heals and restores us when we don't measure up. While the New Testament mentions the relationship between Christ and the church as that of groom and bride, the Old Testament uses the language of marriage to describe God's relationship with the people of Israel. Note what the prophet Jeremiah wrote: "I gave faithless Israel her certificate of divorce and sent her away because of all her adulteries." – Jeremiah 3:8 Jeremiah is recounting the direct words spoken by God in this passage. God Himself has experienced the pain of divorce with His people. All divorce breaks the heart of God. More importantly, it means that God can personally identify with problems that people today experience in marriage. Jeremiah refers to the punishment of Israel for repeated idolatry; but the heart of God toward them, even in giving them their desired release, was bent toward drawing His people to Himself in reconciliation. When we miss the mark, we can't make our own target. God has set a high standard for marriage based on the relationship that He has ordained between Christ and the church. The goal for marriage is "oneness". Anything people devise that strays from this goal misses what God intended. But Jesus, through his sacrificial love, has cleansed those who believe in Him so that we may stand before Him "without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless".
LEAD Small group leaders, as you lead your group in discussion the two focus areas should be on (1) God's ideal for marriage ("oneness"), and (2) God's restoration for us when we miss the mark. Use the questions below as a reference for guiding the discussion. Close in prayer by asking God to protect the marriage relationships in your group (or possible future relationships for single adults in the group), in our church, and in our communities. 1. What are some common attributes in healthy and long-‐lasting marriages for people that you personally know? 2. Why do you think God initiated marriage in the first place? How have people changed the meaning of marriage from this original intent? (Gen. 1 – 2) 3. Can a marriage that isn't based on a relationship with Christ be successful over the long-‐term? Why or why not? 4. Why do you think God places importance on husbands being spiritual leaders of their families? 5. From what you’ve observed, what are some key factors for why so many marriages fail? How does the Bible address those factors? 6. Do you see marriage as more than a covenant? Why or why not? 7. How do you think God personally relates to Christians who undergo marital difficulties? Why do you think that?
