Myths and Facts about Domestic Violence

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Myths and Facts about Domestic Violence Adapted from the website of SafePlace, Austin

Myth:

Domestic violence only happens to poor, uneducated women, and women of different race or color.

Fact:

People of any class, culture, religion, sexual orientation, marital status, racial or ethnic group, age, and sex can be victims or perpetrators of domestic violence. Because women with money usually have more access to resources, poorer women are more likely to utilize community agencies, and are therefore more visible.

Myth:

Some people deserve to be abused; they are responsible for the violence because they provoke it.

Fact:

No one deserves to be abused. The only person responsible for the abuse is the abuser. Physical violence, even among family members, is wrong and against the law.

Myth:

If the victim didn’t like it, she would leave.

Fact:

There are many reasons why women may not leave, including fear for herself or her children, economic dependence, hope that the abuser will change, and religious beliefs. Not leaving does not mean that the situation is okay or that the victim wants to be abused.

Myth:

If the victim left, she would be safe.

Fact:

The most dangerous time for a woman who is being abused is when she tries to leave. Women are significantly more likely to be killed after leaving an abuser.

Myth:

Men cannot be abused.

Fact:

Men can be, and are, abused. Up to 13% of all reported domestic assaults occur to men.

Myth:

Men and women are equally violent towards each other.

Fact:

The vast majority of domestic violence is reported by women, perpetrated by their male partners. When men are battered, it is typically by male partners – domestic violence happens in same-sex relationships at the same rate as heterosexual relationships.

Myth:

Most people who commit violence are under the effects of alcohol or drugs.

Fact:

Although many abusive partners also abuse alcohol and/or drugs, this is not the underlying cause of the battering. Many batterers use alcohol or drugs as an excuse to explain their violence.

Myth:

Stress and anger lead to violence.

Fact:

Violent behavior is a choice. Perpetrators use it to control their victims. Domestic violence is about batterers using their control, not losing their control. Their actions are very deliberate.

Myth:

Batterers are violent in all their relationships.

Fact:

Batterers choose to be violent to their partner and hurt them in ways they would never hurt someone else. Their violence is about control of the person. They may be respected members of the community who appear caring, responsible, and kind to everyone else.

Myth:

Violence is about anger and rage. The abuser is out of control.

Fact:

Abusers are in control of their actions. They do not batter other individuals. They wait until there are no witnesses and then abuse the people they say they love. Abusers are often careful to hit in places where the bruises and marks will not show. If they were “out of control” or “in a rage,” they would not be able to direct or limit where the kicks or punches land.

Myth:

Domestic violence is rare.

Fact:

Domestic violence occurs in up to one-third of all relationships, including same-sex relationships. One in three women will report violence from a spouse or partner in their lifetime.

Myth:

Domestic violence is usually a one-time, isolated occurrence due to anger or stress.

Fact:

Battering is a pattern of control that includes the repeated use of a number of tactics including threats, intimidation, isolation, economic and financial control, psychological abuse, and sexual abuse. Physical violence is only one of the tactics used to control another person.

Myth:

Couples counseling is an effective solution for domestic violence.

Fact:

Couples counseling is NOT recommended as a response to domestic violence, because of the power and control underlying the violence. Effective batterer intervention programs challenge abusers’ belief structures, create a layer of supervision, and hold abusers accountable for their behavior, away from their victims.