Our kids and anti-Semitism


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Note to judges: This entry consists of one main story and one sidebar. The main story, “Our kids and anti-Semitism,” appears on pages 1, 16 and 17. The sidebar, “Looking back, ‘Hit a Jew Day’ target says silence is not the way” appears on page 16.

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Our Kids and Anti-Semitism How is it affecting them? How do we talk about it with them?

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9 Sivan, 5775 / May 27, 2015 / Vol. 68 / No. 21

SPECIAL CAN WE TALK? FEATURE

Our kids and anti-Semitism BY ELLEN FUTTERMAN EDITOR

Yael Simon, 17, says the fiveweek trip she took two summers ago to Poland, Denmark and Israel far surpassed anything she had imagined. But what wasn’t so great was the plane ride from New York to Poland. Yael was traveling with 40 other Orthodox Jewish students from around the country on a program organized by JOLT (Jewish Opportunities and Learning for Teens). Seated in the section of the plane with the students were about 10 others, including a Polish man who became extremely agitated in the middle of the flight. “He started screaming at us as loud as he could in Polish,” recalled Yael, a member of Young Israel who recently graduated from Block Yeshiva High School. “Another Polish man who was

Can We Talk? Panel Discussion WHAT: ‘Our Kids and Anti-Semitism’ WHEN: 7 p.m. Tuesday, June 2 WHERE: JCC’s Carl & Helene Mirowitz Performing Arts and Banquet Center at the Staenberg Family Complex, 2 Millstone Campus Drive HOW MUCH: Free, but RSVPs are requested MORE INFO: For more information or to RSVP, visit stljewishlight.com/ canwetalk or call 314-442-3190 or email [email protected]

much nicer than him explained he was yelling horrible, horrible curse words, calling us ‘dirty Jews,’ saying how we should go back to our own country. “The flight attendant tried to calm him down, but she couldn’t. He went on for more than 2½ hours, ranting at us. He just got angrier and angrier. We had no

Arm children with facts to face bigotry, champion tolerance

idea what to do. It was really frightening. Then he went up to my friend, got right in her face and started threatening her. Finally, a couple of Polish guys removed him and took him to another section of the plane.” Yael says that was the first time she had encountered any kind of anti-Semitism. She admits that she was naïve to think it didn’t exist but that “living in a bubble” in St. Louis had isolated her from those who hate or discriminate against Jews. Yael’s experience didn’t occur here. But other Jewish young people have been the targets of anti-Semitism in St. Louis, often in school settings where there are few Jews. They can tell their stories in vivid detail because that’s the thing about being persecuted for who you are: As much as you may want to, you never really forget. Despite the indelible nature of

the memories, the impact of antiSemitism on youngsters can vary depending on how families, educators and counselors help them react to, and cope with, the incident. Even better, experts say, educating children at an early age, before bigotry confronts them, may help them to mitigate the consequences of prejudice and become more empathetic to others.

Reactions speak, as do words As early as age 3, children begin noticing differences among people, be it skin color, facial features, even their hair. “How parents deal with the situation, how they address those differences when it comes up, is critical,” said Tabari Coleman, St. Louis project director for the

See ANTI-SEMITISM, page 16

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Index ChaiLights calendar......... 18-19 Classifieds..............................22 Features.................................12 Jewish Lite Crossword Page...14 Mishpacha....................... 16-17 Mitzvot from the Heart..........21 Obituaries..............................23 Opinions.......................... 10-11 Simchas.................................21 World news.......................... 5-8

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Mirowitz, Ferguson kids join to build ‘Pyramids’ of peace BY DAVID BAUGHER SPECIAL TO THE JEWISH LIGHT

At first, Cheryl Maayan wasn’t aware of the significance of the date. Ultimately, she felt the timing of the “Peace Through Pyramids” event in Ferguson made it more special. “We didn’t even know that we planned this performance on (what would have been) the 19th birthday of Michael Brown,” Maayan, head of Saul Mirowitz Jewish Community School, said as she stood in a hallway near a noisy room full of youngsters at the Ferguson Municipal Library. Maayan was at the library on the evening of May 20 for “Peace

Through Pyramids,” a circusthemed performance featuring nine Mirowitz students teamed with 23 children from Ferguson, the St. Louis suburb wracked by protests and rioting in the wake of the fatal shooting of Brown by a police officer last summer. But this day was a time for healing. The performance featured juggling, feather balancing and hula-hoop tumbling. Maayan said that the show, for which the children had spent weeks practicing, was a way of learning about the power of collaboration. “Circus arts require perseverance,” she said. “Students have to stick with it. You can’t just pick

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Cheryl Maayan, Head of School at Saul Mirowitz Jewish Community School, gets flowers and a hug from students after their circus performance with students from Ferguson last week. Photo: Andrew Kerman

up balls and juggle them. You have to really work hard at it. That’s the message we want to send. You can’t just build a pyramid in a moment. You have to build trust and cooperation with

other children who are part of that pyramid.” The concept for “Peace Through Pyramids” isn’t a new

See MIROWITZ, page 8

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MISHPACHA (‘Family’ in Hebrew) is a new, monthly section in the Jewish Light, focusing on Jewish parenting and Jewish family life. The section appears the fourth issue of each month. PARENTS — Share your story ideas with the Jewish Light’s editors at [email protected] or 314-743-3669.

Our kids and anti-Semitism STORY CONTINUED FROM PAGE 1 Anti-Defamation League’s A World of Difference Institute, which offers antibias and inclusion training workshops for schools, community organizations and businesses. “If a child points to someone in a wheelchair and starts asking questions, a parent could become embarrassed and shush the child. A lot of us don’t like having those ‘uncomfortable conversations.’ That sends a clear message something is wrong. If a parent explains that the person cannot walk and a Tabari wheelchair allows him to Coleman get around like the rest of us, that is a statement of fact. Where things get twisted is when we start stating our opinions rather than the facts. “How we respond at the moment determines how children learn and move forward,” Coleman said. “It can be positive or negative, depending on our reactions. Kids pick up on a lot of different things even without having a conversation, like our body language, our facial expressions, our tone.” Marcie Handler remembers some neighbors she didn’t know circulating a petition not long after she and her family moved to the Chesterfield/Wildwood area about 20 years ago. “We moved here thinking it would be like Parkway Central in 15 years, but we were wrong,” she said, describing her area as “white, rich and predominantly Christian.” The petition was against building more

reasonably priced housing in northeast Wildwood, on land that Daniel Boone had initially given to his slaves. Descendants continued to live there and wanted to build more affordable houses for their offspring. “My two older kids were about 3 and 5 at the time,” said Handler, a Neve Shalom congregant whose third and youngest child just graduated from Lafayette High School in the Rockwood School District. “These neighbors started explaining the petition. I remember them saying as soon as ‘those people’ start moving in, God help us all. My husband and I just looked at each other. We couldn’t say get the hell out of here, so we ushered them to the door and told them we didn’t agree and weren’t going to sign their petition. “Our two kids stood there looking at us because they could see something big had happened. I told them right then that whenever someone says ‘those people,’ you have got to say something, take a stand. If anyone is discriminated against for anything, it’s your job to help because it could be you one day.” Handler says each of her three children had brushes with anti-Semitism during middle and high school. Her oldest daughter “went after anyone” who bullied kids regardless of whether they were Jewish, African-American, Hispanic or Asian, or for any other reason. “She would report incidents to her (Rockwood Valley) middle school counselor and the school handled it beautifully,” Handler said. The incidents that touched her daughter, who just graduated from Lafayette, usually were subtle and probably not intended to be hurtful. But intent and out-

Jewish high school students lead a presentation at Trinity Catholic High School as part of the Jewish Community Relations Council’s Student to Student program.

come can be very different, Handler said. “She had gone with her school over spring break to New Orleans to help Habitat for Humanity build houses,” Handler said. “The (administrator) in charge was very religious. She told the kids that the first activity the next day would be church, and if they couldn’t make church, well then God bless them.” Another teacher, Handler says, had a sign in his office that said: “I’ll forgive Jane Fonda when the Jews forgive Hitler.” He was asked to cover it up, and did so. Handler jokes that she became an excellent letter writer and caller to Rockwood administrators. When she heard of anti-Semitism incidents or any kind of discrimination from her children, she immediately brought it to the attention of the school administration. “My message has always been consistent: As a school district, your job is to make sure every kid is represented and

feels comfortable despite their religion, their race, their nationality, their ethnicity or their sexual orientation,” she said. Desi Kirchhofer, deputy superintendent of the Parkway School District agrees, adding that educating children about discrimination is a “shared responsibility” between parents and the school. “We teach world religions not to indoctrinate, but so our students understand the values and cultures of others,” he said. “That is the role of public education in a democracy. It is built on the foundation of an acceptance of others.” But Kirchhofer admits that sometimes communication breaks down, such as it did in 2008 when sixth-graders at Parkway West Middle School instituted “Hit a Jew Day” as part of an unofficial school spirit week. Many of those sixthgraders just graduated from Parkway West High School, where one of the graduation student speakers talked about how

Looking back, ‘Hit a Jew Day’ target says silence is not the way BY ELLEN FUTTERMAN EDITOR

As a sixth-grader, Justin was on the bus to Parkway West Middle School when, out of nowhere, someone slapped him because he was Jewish. It was part of an unofficial school spirit week that started with “Hug a Friend Day,” moved to “High Five Day,” then “Hit a Tall Person Day” and, finally, on a Monday in October 2008, to “Hit a Jew Day.” At the time, about 35 of the 850 students at West Middle were Jewish. Justin was slapped several more times that day. And while he wasn’t physically hurt — the hits were mostly slaps on his arm — he felt emotionally drained by the time he got home from school. “Hit a Jew Day” happened to fall on his 12th birthday. “At first, I didn’t say anything,” said Justin, now 18, who asked that only his first name be used. “But then my mom began asking how my day was, since it was my birthday. I remember breaking down crying.” Justin’s mother, Amy, called the school principal, who “asked if Justin got slapped because it was his birthday,” said Amy, who, out of respect for her son, asked that her last name not be used either. “I didn’t get anywhere with the administration.”

Eventually, she got in touch with the Anti-Defamation League, as did other parents whose Jewish children had been slapped. “Hit a Jew Day” captured national and international headlines at the time. The school had an assembly to address bullying. Amy felt it was more of a band-aid than anything meaningful. The ADL met with school officials. Parents showed up in large numbers at the next school board meeting. Four or five students responsible for the day were disciplined. Most agreed the incident was more of an immature prank and exercise in poor judgment than anything meant to be bigoted or anti-Semitic. But as Karen Aroesty notes, “Intent is one thing, but it can be messy and have an impact” even if the bigotry was not meant to be deliberate. As regional director of the AntiDefamation League of Missouri/ Southern Illinois, Aroesty points out that when “Hit a Jew Day” took place seven years ago, “the conversation about how schools respond to incidents like this as well as bullying in general were a lot less sophisticated and a lot less public.” By the same token, she adds, dealing with discrimination and bullying is an ongoing process. “It’s not a matter of if we do every-

thing ‘right,’ it will be fine,” she said. “It doesn’t work that way anymore.” At the end of sixth grade, Amy encouraged Justin to transfer to another Parkway school with more Jewish students. He didn’t want to. The two would have similar conversations each year that followed, and the outcome would be the same. Justin wanted to stay put. After West Middle, he followed his class to Parkway West High School. “I remember by freshman and sophomore years hearing the Jewish jokes,” Justin said. “Some were Holocaust jokes and were so bad I can’t even repeat them. One day at baseball my junior year, someone threw a quarter at me and asked, ‘Aren’t you going to pick it up?’ Even my friends would say, ‘I know you’re pretty cheap, aren’t you going to pick that up?’ It just went on and on.” Justin told his friends he didn’t appreciate the Jewish jokes, but he says he didn’t retaliate or do anything confrontational. That just wasn’t his way then. His breaking point came in April 2014, when three people were shot near Jewish organizations in suburban Kansas City. The suspect had said he went out that day to kill Jews. “It kind of hit me I wasn’t in a safe community with my peers,” said Justin, who tweeted at that time: “I’m done

with the anti-Semitism at my school. It’s not a joke, and I refuse to let people treat me how I’ve been treated for the past six years.” Before his senior year last fall, Justin transferred to Parkway Central High School, which has a significantly larger Jewish student population than Parkway West High. He graduated from Parkway Central a week ago. He plans to attend Indiana University. “I’m a little nervous given what goes on around anti-Israel and anti-Semitism on college campuses. But I know Indiana has a high percentage of Jewish teens, with a really big Hillel, some Jewish fraternities and sororities, so there are a lot of opportunities to connect with Judaism there,” said Justin, who became active in BBYO starting his sophomore year and has made a lot of Jewish friends through the teen organization. Looking back, Justin realizes it was a mistake not to talk to an adult he trusted about what was going on. “I just refused to talk about it with my parents, or school administrators, or even a teacher,” he said. “I was so nervous and intimidated about what might happen. I now realize that nothing is ever going to change unless you talk about it and bring it to someone’s attention.”

Visit WWW. STLJEWISHLIGHT.COM the “Hit a Jew Day” incident shaped the identity of an entire class. “He said, ‘We started our careers at West Middle in a negative way, and we had to learn from our mistake,’ ” Kirchhofer related. “Obviously, at the time seven years ago, that particular group really had more dialogue about being careful with your actions and your language, and understanding they have consequences.” Handler says she sometimes wonders whether the consequences of moving to an area with few Jewish families was the right decision. She recently posed the question to her children. “My older daughter told me, ‘Mom, if we hadn’t moved out here, we wouldn’t have learned to advocate as well. I wouldn’t have joined (Jewish) youth groups and made such good friends.’ And it’s true,” Handler said. “My kids do know how to advocate so much better than others because they had to do it from an early age.”

Engaged parenting works Coleman, of the ADL’s World of Difference, believes proactive parenting can make a positive difference in how a child deals with discrimination. “You really don’t want a child to confront anti-Semitism or bigotry and not know what to do,” he said. Petra Levin, a biology professor at Washington University, said that after her daughter, who just finished fourth grade at New City School, read “The Diary of Anne Frank,” the two sat down and talked about how Jews were singled out for their differences. “We’re also using what’s going on in the world, like in Ferguson, to talk about differences,” she said. “We were driving down Kingshighway and she saw that a cop had pulled over, and was talking to, an African-American man. She asked if the man was being picked on because of his race.” Rosalind Wiseman, a nationally known educator and author who has written several books on bullying and ethical leadership, suggests parents have regular, age-appropriate conversations with their children about the value of treating all people with dignity. Using current events such as Ferguson and Baltimore, as well as global anti-Semitism, can help jump start the conversation, she says. But she cautions parents against lecturing or talking in platitudes about racism and bigotry, advising instead to speak authentically and rely on facts. “A parent can prepare a conversation that at most lasts three minutes,” said Wiseman, who is based in Boulder, Colorado. “You can say, ‘I don’t know if you are witnessing people being racist, or using the N-word, or saying Jew in a derogatory way, or making jokes about Hispanics, but none of this is OK. This is not how we treat people. Our family respects people of different races and religions and orientations and treats them with kindness.’ ” Wiseman also encourages parents to model behavior they want their children to emulate. “So if you hear a joke that’s racist or sexist or offensive, instead of laughing to be hospitable, try saying, ‘Why would you say something like that?’ We may laugh because we don’t want to have that uncomfortable conversation, but then we’re only contributing to the problem.” Wiseman and Coleman also suggest that parents familiarize themselves with how their child’s school addresses issues of bigotry and prejudice. “We hear the term ‘diversity’ thrown out and overused,” Coleman said. “When I am thinking diversity, it’s about how we create inclusive spaces where every-

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Some local resources The Anti-Defamation League of Missouri and Southern Illinois: In addition to investigating incidents of antiSemitism, the ADL’s A World of Difference Institute is one of the foremost programs for anti-bias education in the country. Its Confronting Anti-Semitism Project empowers the community to identify and respond to acts of anti-Semitism and to challenge anti-Semitic stereotypes. 314721-1270 or stlouis.adl.org. Student to Student: Begun by the Jewish Community Relations Council in 1992, this unique St. Louis program seeks to reduce stereotypes and prejudices by bringing St. Louis area Jewish teens into schools that lack a Jewish presence. Jewish teens put a “human face” on Judaism and help dispel myths that can lead to bigotry and intolerance. 314-4423871 or jcrcstl.org. Jewish Student Union: A high-school club, JSU aims to reach St. Louis area Jewish teenagers as well as teens interested in Judaism, by providing them with programs to strengthen Jewish identity and connection to Israel. The JSU is also a partner of the Danforth Israel Scholars Program, which teaches teens in grades 10 through 12 about Israel from a historic and modern perspective. 314696-0578 or jsustl.org. Cultural Leadership: This yearlong, intensive program brings together Jewish and African-American teens to fight for social justice, inclusion and an end to discrimination. A two-week summer camp for middle school students and high school freshmen introduces and reinforces social justice concepts and ties them to leadership skills. 314-932-5444 or culturalleadership.org.

one feels they belong.” Wiseman said: “If a school believes that the way children learn is to feel emotionally safe ... (then) if the school walks them through (their) mistakes in a way that truly teaches them and gets them to hold themselves accountable, then that’s the school that will make a difference.”

Proactive intervention In St. Louis, there are avenues for help that support parents and teachers. The ADL’s World of Difference Institute worked with more than 3,500 people as part of school groups, nonprofits, community organizations and businesses last year. Coleman explains that he customizes programs to fit the needs and challenges of an organization depending on what that group hopes to accomplish. Certain programs allow him to work with entire schools while others focus on professional development with teachers. Even though the ADL charges a fee, Coleman says it is willing to work with groups that cannot afford the cost. Student to Student, started by the Jewish Community Relations Council in 1992, brings Jewish high school students from the St. Louis area to schools that lack a Jewish presence. The idea is that by hearing from, and asking questions of, their Jewish peers, non-Jewish students will have a better understanding of what Judaism is about. This past school year, 30 Student to Student groups reached more than 4,000 non-Jewish students, according to Fawn Chapel, who coordinates the program for the JCRC. Student to Student participant Andrew Adler, 18, is a Modern Orthodox student

Jewish Student Union Director Rabbi Mike Rovinsky (left) led a group of Jewish teen leaders to the AIPAC Schusterman High School Summit in Washington, D.C. in December. To the right of Rovinsky are Yossi Rovinsky, Aaron Koshner, Tova Cohen, Noa Rose and Gabby Messnier. JSU organizes Jewish student groups at non-Jewish high schools.

who attends Young Israel and just graduated from Crossroads College Preparatory School. “I’ve gotten asked pretty much every question you can think of, from whether I’ve ever eaten a McDonald’s cheeseburger to why I wear that thing on my head to if it’s OK to celebrate birthdays,” he said. “The most rewarding thing is that some of these students may not have known a Jewish person before they met us. They don’t know what kosher is or the difference between being a Reform Jew or Orthodox or Conservative. “By the time we are done talking, they seem to understand that Judaism isn’t some crazy thing like some people make it out to be, and it’s nothing to be feared. We’re normal kids, just like them.” Adler came to Crossroads as a freshman after attending Jewish day school in Columbus, Ohio. At first, he wore a baseball cap instead of his kippah to school because he said he didn’t want to answer questions about his head covering. Now, he says, he not only doesn’t mind answering questions about his Judaism, he actually welcomes them. “My Judaism gives me a sense of belonging and pride,” he said. “I’ve also been lucky with how supportive Crossroads has been. I play baseball and, this year, my coach made sure not to schedule one game on the Sabbath, so I didn’t have to miss anything.” Adler’s mother believes Crossroads’ commitment to diversity has helped strengthen her son’s engagement with Judaism. She also was pleased with how the school handled an incident involving her daughter, who was in ninth grade, and some other girls who got into a heated discussion about Israel in a World Civilization class. “The conversation evolved to where some of the girls asked (my daughter) how she could defend what was happening in Israel,” Ruth Pack-Adler said. “Andrew jumped in. They emailed teachers, the school counselor and asked for a meeting. The school agreed immediately and sat down with the parties involved and had a nice, respectful conversation where they agreed to disagree. We have to respect that we have different opinions, but it’s important to have information behind you so you can speak knowledgeably on the subject.” In the hopes of furthering the discourse, Andrew Adler helped establish a Jewish Student Union at Crossroads. The JSU of St. Louis was created in 2003 at Ladue Horton Watkins High School “to get more Jewish teens attending high schools to do something Jewish.” Today it has programs in 12 area high schools, including an active chapter at Pattonville High, where there are few Jewish stu-

About Can We Talk? The Can We Talk? series is a collaboration of the Jewish Light, Jewish Community Relations Council and Jewish Community Center, pairing in-depth coverage and a community discussion event on a topic of import to the Jewish Community. The series receives generous support from the Harvey Kornblum Foundation. dents. JSU is also a partner in the Danforth Israel Scholars Program, which helps high school students learn about the Jewish State from a historical and modern perspective. “You don’t have to be Jewish to be involved in JSU,” said Sam Zitin, who, along with Rabbi Michael Rovinsky, oversees the JSU program. “We talk about issues that are relevant to all teens from a Jewish perspective but hopefully have a universal message.” Zitin says that while anti-Semitic incidents at area schools haven’t been a big topic of discussion lately, he is hearing concerns from JSU students about global anti-Semitism and anti-Israel sentiment on college campuses. “The kids are having a tough time seeing the separation between anti-Semitism and anti-Israel,” he said. “They have questions as to why (anti-Israel protests are) happening and if they should be worried. They have real sense that the mainstream American news media is not really reflecting the anti-Semitic nature of what is going on.”

What to consider when confronting insensitive or anti-Semitic behavior: • Count to 10 if you need to calm down. • Ask yourself,“Is this something I should respond to or walk away from?” • Ask yourself,“Do I know enough to respond or do I need more facts?” • Consider if it would be better to take someone aside rather than talking to a group. • Do not laugh at insensitive jokes against yourself or others. • If you’re not sure what to do, discuss it with other people. • If you don’t respond right away, you can do so later — it’s never too late. — Source: “Confronting Anti-Semitism Myths & Facts” published by the AntiDefamation League