Philemon – Restoring Relationships

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Philemon – Restoring Relationships Good morning, and I want to thank my friend Pastor Chris for this opportunity to speak with you today. One thing I cherish is the relationships I have with Pastor Chris and other local pastors as we weekly gather in prayer every Wednesday and pray for one another, our community, and our churches. God made people to be relational; to be surrounded by friends and family and have a sense of community. We are all wired this way. It doesn’t matter if you’re an introvert of an extrovert. Everyone has an internal need and desire to want to be around people. Being an introvert/extrovert simply determines how many people we have relationships with, or at least acquaintances. This is the way God created us; to be in relationship and community. It is also why when conflicts happen within these relationships that it can cause deep wounds, rob us of joy and be a heavy weight that we carry throughout our lives. I’ve been praying about what God wanted me to speak about today and he led me to Philemon. It’s a one page book or letter Paul wrote to a man named Philemon. Philemon was a wealthy Greek who owned slaves. It is been told that on one of his business trips, he came upon the preaching of Paul and he accepted Christ. From that point on, he was a changed man. Paul’s letter to Philemon provides ample evidence that Philemon was a man of character. In fact, Philemon later ended up hosting a church in his own house. Years after Philemon’s conversion, when Paul was under house arrest in Rome awaiting his trial before Caesar, Paul meets a runaway slave named Onesimus. He too, after hearing the gospel was saved, and transformed. Sometime after, Paul finds out that he is a former slave of Philemon. So he writes this Epistle of Philemon imploring Philemon to restore this broken relationship with Onesimus. There is so much we can learn about restoring relationships from the book of Philemon, and I want to give you a few of the principles from this story that I believe we can and should all apply to our relationships, especially ones that have been strained or broken. If you have a Bible or app please turn to Philemon and let’s read this together. (Read Philemon)

Philemon is a warm personal letter that reveals Paul’s affection for both Philemon, a slave owner, and Onesimus, his slave. The letter radiates affection and the godly relationship they have. Philemon is Paul’s “dear friend and co-worker.” Paul thanks God for him, and rejoices in his love. Even though Paul could command him to free Onesimus, he chooses to “appeal on the basis of love.” Paul considers Philemon “a partner” and “brother” and asks him to prepare a guest room for a visit. If you noticed, Paul also promises to repay Philemon anything Onesimus owes him, but gently reminds him “that you owe me your very self.” Clearly, there is a deep relationship and a great deal of affection between Paul and Philemon. Onesimus was this runaway slave whom Paul met in prison, and there led to Jesus. Then a deep bond grew between them as well. Paul then appeals to Philemon, after he found who Onesimus was to take him back. Paul even called him “my son.” In sending him back to Philemon, Paul is sending “my very own heart,” and confesses that he wanted to keep Onesimus with him. He encourages Philemon to take him back “no longer as a slave, but more than a slave—as a dearly loved brother.” He was different. He was a changed man, and not just a slave, but a brother in Christ. And Paul adds that Onesimus is especially that to Paul! Finally, he asks Philemon to welcome back his runaway slave “as you would me,” and offers to pay any loss Philemon has accrued. These are unlikely relationships. Paul loved the slave and owner equally, and encourages them to love each other. One would expect the owner to punish the runaway slave, not receive him back as a dearly loved brother, but rather than as a slave. Jesus changes everything! Do you believe that? I sure do. Have you ever experience being stolen from, lied about, slandered, etc. and then that person became a fellow believer

and you then had to decide to accept them or welcome them into your life? Can you see yourself in this story? Jesus transforms relationships and the social order! As Paul wrote in Galatians 3:28, in Christ there is neither slave nor free, for we are all one in Christ. Some people have criticized Paul for not commanding Philemon to set Onesimus free, and for not leading a revolution against Roman slavery. But what Paul did was far more subversive and effective. He taught and he modeled that Jesus leveled the playing field, turning a slave and an owner into brothers who would love each other. You might say it was a perfect example of God’s Fatherly love. It was a revolution of love, a transformation of the heart and of relationships. It’s the gospel of unlikely relationships. Christians should be leading the way in love—the kind of love that makes all outward differences secondary, that transforms the social order and brings together the most unlikely of people. So, maybe there’s already the one you know of. Pray and ask the Lord, who can I move toward today with this kind of bridge-building love? One fact is that you have to be transformed by receiving God’s love before you can give it. Unfortunately some professing Christians lack this revelation of love themselves, because all they know is a concept of God’s love, rather than an experience of God’s love. Can I just share a little of my own story with you about experiencing the Father’s love? There have been difference instances when I first gave my heart to Christ at 6 years old, and as a teenager when I experienced the Baptism with the Holy Spirit and really worshipped for first time and began to pray in tongues. I’ll never forget those times, but 10 years ago is when I first had a deep revelation of the Father’s love I never knew of.

I went on a mission trip to India and it was amazing. God did some incredible healings and miracles that I’ve never seen before. My mind was blown, but another thing happened. The Holy Spirit began to speak to me and touch my heart in ways I didn’t realize how hardened I had become. A lady on my team. I wish I could remember her name or contact her, but she came up to me privately a couple times and like a mother asked me if I knew God loves me. “Yes, of course I know that.” But she saw I was missing something, and asked if she could pray for me to have a revelation of God’s love. God showed her the woundedness in my heart because of rejection, abandonment, and other hurts and prayed that I would have a revelation of God’s love. I do have to admit, I let her pray but I was also a little bit annoyed by her. At the same time however, I began to ask the Lord, what am I missing that she sees and I don’t? After returning home I began to ask God for more, and I do have to thank my wife Jill because she helped me in discovering what I was missing. I had an orphan heart that didn’t think I had a place in the Father’s heart. I was uncomfortable with love, and I pushed it away or I only let God in only so far. So, for lack of time today, I will summarize that I went on a quest to discover the Father’s love. I ended up in S.C. for a week and they prayed with me and God revealed his love for me like never before. An older man nicknamed Knobby was my mentor that week and I remember the moment I first met him he asked if he could give me a hug and he told me he was praying for me before I had arrived. He hugged me and just held me and spoke words over me, and at first I wanted to resist, but I just began to hear the Father speaking His love over me through Knobby and my hurt heart began to melt. You see, Knobby told me how he was a former police officer and he was a very hardened man, and God just wrecked him with His love. Now he was a changed man and never wanted to go back to the way he was, and he saw a little of himself in me and he was drawn to me to pray over me and be a spiritual father figure or mentor me that week.

God showed me a vision of my life was like a rope with many knots in it; each knot representing a hurt, and I saw His hands begin to undo the knots, and that week I wept and He renewed me in His love, which not only helped me, but greatly helped me to love others that need the same. We all have orphan hearts and orphan thinking based on rejection, hurt, abandonment, abuse, you name it, where it causes us to shut down and not let anyone in, and we become so independent that we don’t need God or anyone else. Many of our issues stems from father or even mother wounds. We become self-sufficient rather than self-less, and it causes us to love less. This letter of Philemon is a beautiful letter of God’s love and His transforming power to be restored and to restore broken relationships. My story I just shared, helped me to have a deeper intimacy with Father God, and also to have the Father’s heart for others to love even the unlovable. Maybe my story and this letter can inspire you to love across boundaries, to accept across lines, and to build unlikely relationships across barriers, and brokenness. Paul wrote, Philemon 13-14 I would like to keep him here with me, while I am in prison for the gospel’s sake, so that he could help me in your place. 14However, I do not want to force you to help me; rather, I would like you to do it of your own free will. So I will not do anything unless you agree. It will always come down to your own decision and free will. You will be as free as you want and allow the Holy Spirit and Father’s love into the recesses of your heart.

Paul writes to his friend Philemon with a request: he would like to keep Philemon’s escaped slave, Onesimus, to help him in his mission. Paul even said to Philemon you owe “your very self” and Paul could order him “to do what should be done.” Verse 9: “But because I love you, I make a request instead.”

So Paul makes his request instead of giving an order. He wants Philemon to be a willing partner, not a forced one. He wants to do this right. Of course “right” brings up the question of slavery. In this letter, Paul subtly undermines the practice of slavery while respecting the norms of his culture. He refuses to keep Onesimus without Philemon’s permission, and respect for the cultural norms of those times. But he also clearly indicates that Onesimus is now more than a slave; he is a brother in Christ, and is useful (the meaning of his name) to Paul in doing God’s mission. And Paul’s claim on him as a spiritual son is stronger than Philemon’s claim on him as a slave. Paul could have kept him with or without Philemon’s permission; he chose to do it right and get Philemon’s permission. Why didn’t Paul just tell Philemon that he was keeping Onesimus because slavery is wrong? Paul knew that attacking slavery head on would detract from the mission of spreading the gospel of Jesus, and love of God. He also knew that the gospel, like leaven, would slowly change culture; the gospel was the seed that would destroy slavery in due time. Paul refused to be side-tracked from his mission, even by a social evil as glaring as slavery. Yet he understood that his mission meant the ultimate doom of this evil and every other evil with it. So Paul played within the social boundaries of his day, while spreading a gospel that would steadily erode and ultimately change those boundaries through God’s love, and God’s love is subversive to every culture! Therefore it is God’s love and the good news of the gospel that is powerful to change people, and never by force. While it is important to work for social change, the most powerful change happens when people meet Jesus. So, in closing today, I wouldn’t be a good pastor if I didn’t give you some principles of restoring broken relationships, and then I and others on your prayer or leadership team can pray over you if you would want that afterwards. First principle.

1. Restoration needs relationship (vs. 1-2) Paul’s main focus of his letter was his relationship with Philemon and being a spiritual father with him. Then what we read in this letter is Paul sharing how he knows Philemon will do the right thing. In fact, Philemon had a church in his house and the church also needed to witness this restoration of a broken relationship. This was an opportunity for Philemon to be an example of God’s love to other believers, because guaranteed as believers it’s easy to reject people that have rejected you. As the saying goes, rejected people reject people, but we can change that as we are changed. Instead. Free people, free people. You see, Onesimus was legally a slave, but he was free inside. The problem is that many people and Christians alike that are so called free, are actually in slavery and still living in bondage. 2. Restoration is for all to give. (vs. 8) Paul says he is an ambassador, a representative of Christ, and the right thing to do is to take Onesimus back. He says that he has the authority to command him but he would rather not be that forceful because he knows Philemon has a desire to do what is right. Paul has full confidence in Philemon’s character and basically says, “Restore the relationship because Christ would want you to.” By Roman Law, Philemon had the power to execute Onesimus for running away. Typically this was only in extreme circumstances but it still needs to be said because Onesimus could have been going headlong into a death sentence. It must have taken a lot of courage for him hand Philemon Paul’s letter and ask for Philemon’s forgiveness. This reminds me of 2 Cor. 5:14-21 “For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: That God was reconciling the world to himself in

Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. As we understand God’s love and receive it we then give it away. As we receive God’s forgiveness and reconciliation we give it away. Christ became sin for us so that we might become the righteousness of God. The payment for sin has been made once and for all, and the moment we accept His forgiveness we are freed from our own slavery and from the penalty of sin and death. If you’ve never done that you can do that today. Paul clearly states that he did not want to twist Philemon’s arm in this issue. He didn’t want to guilt him into it. He wanted Philemon to choose to make effort of reconciliation. It shouldn’t be a stale, “I’ll do it because I have to.” It should be, “I’ll do it because Christ did it for me and He means more to me than my bad feelings towards this person.” 3. Restoration is worth the cost. (vs. 19) Paul could say, “Charge his debt to my account.” I’ll pay the cost, because he knew God did it for him. ‘Whatever it takes! Cost is no object. Restoring this relationship is more important, and Paul knew you’re going to do even beyond what I ask, and he’s not just your possession and disappointment, but your fellow brother. I don’t know what the Holy Spirit may have spoken to you today in this message. It could be a broken relationship where you need to forgive, or ask for forgiveness for your part. It may be like me you need a revelation of the Father’s love, and need healing in your own heart from brokenness you have experienced. Or it may be that you have never invited Jesus to be your Savior and Lord, I and just want to pray for you all and give you an opportunity to respond to His love, so that in receiving His ministry of reconciliation, love and forgiveness you can give it away, and share the message of reconciliation.