Providence Women Caring For Women A Resource Guide for Small Group Leaders This document offers some insights for awareness and resources for women’s small group leaders. In the context and community of women’s small groups, there is often an openness and sense of support for women to share of various emotional, relational, financial, family and spiritual issues they may be experiencing. This guide is not considered comprehensive, nor should it be used for medical or mental health diagnostic purposes, but offers some pastoral care insights that may be helpful to women’s small group leaders. The focus of this guide is particularly for issues of life with which women (and as a result, marriages) seem to experience difficulty, considering an appropriate level of emotional and spiritual health. There are many passages of Scripture that can guide us in considering our care for one another. One is in 1 Corinthians 12, which uses the analogy of the diverse parts of the physical body that work together in marvelous design. Paul uses this to describe the beauty of unity in the church (Body) through the diversity of its various members. In this context, verses 24-27 state: But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care (concern) for one another. If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together. Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it. So this implies that as we are bound together in God’s church by Christian love, we can see two practical applications: First, there is no stigma from differences among our members. Second, we care so genuinely that we enter into one another’s sufferings and/or joys such that they motivate us to not be ambivalent but to respond in helpful and healthy ways. What Issues Might Surface: The issues that could surface in the context of a small group relationships and confidence can cover the spectrum of life. Some examples are: Death of a loved one, Threat to one’s safety, Diagnosis of illness, Marital conflict or unfaithfulness, Wayward child, Loss of job, Auto accident, Home invasion or destruction, Relational wound or loss, Financial challenge, etc. General Christian kindness and care often may offer a practical and beneficial response or outreach to a person dealing with such issues that encourages and motivates their healthy resolution and growth. However, particular sensitivity should be given where there appears to be indications of unhealthy thinking or emotional reactions. Examples of such unhealthy behaviors are:
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Debilitating depression (sense of hopelessness), Overriding sadness, unable to experience joy or happiness Unable to function well, lack of responsiveness, sense of being disconnected General apathy toward responsibilities Sense of being in a “dark” place Mention of suicide or not being able to go on or cope Abnormal anxiety (panic), Overactive, hypervigilant Unable to settle or focus, possibly overly talkative Panic attacks Mind won’t let them rest Consuming fear (paranoia), Excessive worry Believe people are after them Think people are talking about them Feel that they are in constant danger Believe there are unwarranted conspiracies against them Persistent anger (rage, easily triggered) Verbally attack Physically threatening Emotionally charged adversely Talk of harming someone else Irrational thinking (not in touch with reality) Indications of hearing voices suggesting unhealthy things Comments reflect a distortion of reality Complaints of things that are not really there or happening Abnormal and unhealthy ideas of their own qualities or abilities Disturbing beliefs about their safety How to Assess if There Is a Concern: First pray for God’s wisdom and sensitivity to discern any problem Then listen and observe – with ears, eyes and heart Hear the person’s distress and express sympathy to them – allow them to tell their story Consider their behavior compared to the routine functioning of this person Be sensitive to irrational thoughts or talk of harm to self or others Seek to identify their level of functioning and coping with the distress Note specific needs that may be provided by the ministry, Church or Others: such as food, transportation, clothing, shelter, contacting family or friends If there are questions or uncertainty, be conservative and ask for help How to Respond: If there are questions about whether this is a valid concern and/or what response to make, contact any of the following:
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o Care Ministries: Bob Stancil – Pastor, Care Ministries –
[email protected] – 919-326-3000 x274 Larry Gilson – Director, Care Ministries –
[email protected] – x296 Becky Estes – Ministries Assistant, Care Ministries –
[email protected] – x237 Judy Dengler – Volunteer Counselor –
[email protected] or
[email protected] o Women’s Discipleship: Mary Wallace Wilson – Director, Women’s Discipleship – 919-326-3000
[email protected] x342 Molly Graham – Director, Young Women’s Discipleship –
[email protected] x247 Jessica Theiss – Providence New Moms Care Volunteer –
[email protected] 919-696-2902
Abuse: If there are concerns about her being abused, refer her to: Interact of Wake County (for assessment, counseling, support) Domestic Violence Hotline: 919-828-7740 Main Office: 919-828-7501 www.interactofwake.org 1012 Oberlin Rd, Raleigh
Suicide: If there is concern of suicide, notify and engage a family member or friend to stay with her, take her to a hospital emergency room, or call 911 and ask the police to check her out. You may also call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-2738255 (24 hrs) for help in assessing the situation and/or helping her talk through the concern.
Providence Care Resources: Review the resources from Care Ministries (Page 4) and consider referring the person for specific help for counseling or other listed assistance.
Postpartum Issues: For women who have birthed a child within the past year, consider the symptoms of Postpartum Depression and other postpartum issues on Page 5.
Suggestions For You: Seek to comfort and reassure her that the Ministry/Church will seek to help her walk through this concern o Be careful not to make decisions for her – but provide gentle help assisting her in making decisions – don’t become her “rescuer” by making her dependent on you o Don’t minimize the issue and don’t judge her reactions o Don’t offer platitudes (e.g. “I know what you are going through.” “You will get over this.” “It could have been worse.” “It was God’s will.” “You should have….” etc.) o Don’t make unrealistic or unsupported promises o Do express sorrow and sympathy o Do offer to be of help o Do offer to pray for her or with her, when desired
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Care Ministries – 2016 Ministry Opportunities for Providence and the Community www.pray.org/ministries/care-ministries Contact for Care Ministries: Becky Estes: 919-326-3000 or
[email protected]
Support Groups: Disciples people to apply biblical principles to a variety of life issues. o DivorceCare -(Winter/Spring & Fall - For those who are Separated or Divorced) o GriefShare -(Winter/Spring & Fall - For those who have Lost a Loved One by Death) o Faithful & True: Sexual Purity -(Year Around - For Men dealing with Sexual Addiction) o Living Waters –(Fall 2016 - For those dealing with Any Relational Wound or Sexuality matter) o Mending The Soul -(Spring & Fall - For Women Abused in any way) o Single Mom’s -(Fall & Winter/Spring - For Moms who are Single from Divorce, Death or Never Married) o Infertility Support Bible Study -(Winter/Spring & Fall - For Women unable to bear a child, also miscarriage)
Benevolence Ministry: Assists people by demonstrating Christ’s love and truth, promoting financial responsibility with possible support and/or direction to resources.
Pastoral Counseling: Disciples individuals and couples to apply biblical principles to a variety of life issues. o Pastoral Counseling -(For any issue in life) o Christian Therapist Referral Network -(Counselors, Psychologists, Psychiatrists)
Care Giver Ministry & Cancer Companions: Equips leaders through biblical and practical training and continuing education so they can disciple a care receivers in areas of their life issues, such as health challenges (including cancer), employment concerns or relationship matters.
Bereavement Support: Ministers to people by demonstrating the love of Christ, helping them through grief and encouraging them in their faith. o Funeral Planning and Services -(Funeral planning, preparation and support) o Martha Ministry -(provides a meal to members upon a death of immediate family) o Grief Support Resources -(Grief Related Books, Referrals, Counseling)
Financial Education and Coaching: Disciples individuals and couples by teaching biblical principles of managing their resources. o Crown Financial Classes and Seminars -(For learning Biblical Financial Principles) o Crown Coaches / Budget Counselors -(One-on-one financial review / direction) o CareerDirect Counseling -(Career assessment for college bound or job direction)
Hospital Visitation & Nursing Care Visitation: Ministers with the love and care of Christ to the hospitalized and also to those in nursing care facilities to encourage a strengthening of their faith through visiting, prayer, encouragement and materials.
Practical Caring Ministries: Helps people by providing applicable practical caring resources to demonstrate the love and faithfulness of Christ and encouraging them to seek Him for their provision. o Handyman Ministry -(Home repairs and improvements for those in need) o Unemployment Support -(Job opportunity listings and job ministry referrals) o Jobs For Life- (Practical and biblical jobs training for the unemployed & under-employed) o God’s Recycled Blessings -(Placement of used furniture, appliances, computers, etc) o Wheels4Hope -(Provision of a refurbished car to those without a car)
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Symptoms of Postpartum Depression Adapted from: www.PostpartumProgress.com and www.mayoclinic.org When you read the two different symptoms lists below, one for postpartum depression (PPD) and the one after it for postpartum anxiety and OCD, please remember a few very important things: 1. A woman may not be experiencing all of the symptoms listed below or even most of them. Postpartum depression and anxiety are not “one-size-fits-all” illnesses. Her experience may include just a few of the symptoms and she may not have others at all. 2. Many people have a feeling like the ones listed below every now and then, for a day or two. We all have bad days. Postpartum depression and anxiety are not just bad days. Women with PPD or anxiety have symptoms like these most of the time, for a period of at least 2 weeks or longer, and these symptoms make it feel very hard to live your life each day. 3. Postpartum depression and anxiety are sometimes “comorbid.” This means she can have a bit of both, or all of both. If she has symptoms on both lists, that’s not unusual. 4. If there is concern that suggest her issue is predominantly postpartum anxiety or OCD, or postpartum psychosis (described on Page 6-7), seek help for her immediately. Postpartum Depression Symptoms A woman may have postpartum depression if she had a baby within the last 12 months and is experiencing some of these symptoms: She feels overwhelmed. Not like “hey, this new mom thing is hard.” More like “I can’t do this and I’m never going to be able to do this.” She feels like she just can’t handle being a mother. In fact, she may be wondering whether she should have become a mother in the first place. She feels guilty because she believes she should be handling new motherhood better than this. She feels like her baby deserves better. She worries whether her baby can tell that she feels so bad, or that she is crying so much, or that she doesn’t feel the happiness or connection that she thought she would. She may wonder whether her baby would be better off without her. She doesn’t feel bonded to her baby. She is not having that mythical mommy bliss that she sees on TV or reads about in magazines. Not everyone with postpartum depression feels this way, but many do. She can’t understand why this is happening. She is very confused and scared. She feels irritated or angry. She has no patience. Everything annoys her. She feels resentment toward her baby, or her spouse, or her friends who don’t have babies. She feels out-of-control rage. She feels nothing. Emptiness and numbness. She is just going through the motions. She feels sadness to the depths of her soul. She can’t stop crying, even when there’s no real reason to be crying. She feels hopeless, like this situation will never ever get better. She feels weak and defective, like a failure. She can’t bring herself to eat, or perhaps the only thing that makes her feel better is eating.
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She can’t sleep when the baby sleeps, nor can she sleep at any other time. Or maybe she can fall asleep, but she wakes up in the middle of the night and can’t go back to sleep no matter how tired she is. Or maybe all she can do is sleep and she can’t seem to stay awake to get the most basic things done. Whichever it is, her sleeping is completely screwed up and it’s not just because she has a newborn. She can’t concentrate. She can’t focus. She can’t think of the words she wants to say. She can’t remember what she was supposed to do. She can’t make a decision. She feels like she is in a fog. She feels disconnected. She feels strangely apart from everyone for some reason, like there’s an invisible wall between her and the rest of the world. Maybe she is doing everything right. She is exercising. She is taking her vitamins. She has a healthy spirituality. She is thinking “Why can’t I just get over this?” She feels like she should be able to snap out of it, but she can’t. She might be having thoughts of running away and leaving her family behind. Or she has thought of driving off the road, or taking too many pills, or finding some other way to end this misery. She knows something is wrong. She may not know she has a perinatal mood or anxiety disorder, but she knows the way she is feeling is NOT right. She thinks she’s “gone crazy.” She is afraid that this is her new reality and that she’s lost the “old her” forever. She is afraid that if she reaches out for help people will judge her. Or that her baby will be taken away.
Postpartum Anxiety or OCD Symptoms She may have postpartum anxiety or postpartum OCD if she has had a baby within the last 12 months and are experiencing some of these symptoms: Her thoughts are racing. She can’t quiet her mind. She can’t settle down. She can’t relax. She feels like she has to be doing something at all times. Cleaning bottles. Cleaning baby clothes. Cleaning the house. Doing work. Entertaining the baby. Checking on the baby. She is worried. Really worried. All – The - Time. Am I doing this right? Will my husband come home from his trip? Will the baby wake up? Is the baby eating enough? Is there something wrong with my baby that I’m missing? No matter what anyone says to reassure her, it doesn’t help. She may be having disturbing thoughts. Thoughts that she has never had before. Scary thoughts that make her wonder whether she isn’t the person she thought she was. They fly into her head unwanted and she knows they aren’t right, that this isn’t the real her, but they terrify her and they won’t go away. These thoughts may start with the words “What if …” She is afraid to be alone with her baby because of scary thoughts or worries. She is also afraid of things in her house that could potentially cause harm, like kitchen knives or stairs, and she avoids them like the plague. She may feel the need to check things constantly. Did I lock the door? Did I lock the car? Did I turn off the oven? Is the baby breathing? She may be having physical symptoms like stomach cramps or headaches, shakiness or nausea. She might even have panic attacks. She feels like a captive animal, pacing back and forth in a cage. Restless. On edge.
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She can’t eat. She has no appetite. She’s having trouble sleeping. She is so, so tired, but she can’t sleep. She feels a sense of dread, like something terrible is going to happen. She knows something is wrong. She may not know she is having a perinatal mood or anxiety disorder, but she knows the way she is feeling is NOT right. She thinks she’s “gone crazy.” She is afraid that this is her new reality and that she has lost the “old her” forever. She is afraid that if she reaches out for help people will judge her. Or that her baby will be taken away.
Note: If her symptoms fall predominantly within this category of Postpartum Anxiety or OCD, seek to help her or encourage her to contact her physician about her symptoms or to seek medical attention. Postpartum Psychosis Symptoms With postpartum psychosis — a rare condition that typically develops within the first week after delivery — the signs and symptoms are even more severe. Signs and symptoms may include: Confusion and disorientation Obsessive thoughts about her baby Hallucinations and delusions o Hallucination is a significant distortion in her perception of reality, but seems very real to her and may be something she sees, hears, smells, tastes, or feels but is not really there. o Delusion is a false personal belief that is not reasonable and not explained by her cultural and faith traditions, and may be firmly maintained by her in the face of strong evidence that it is false. Sleep disturbances Paranoia – strong, unsubstantiated fear of a threat or conspiracy of harm to her or others Attempts to harm herself or her baby Note: Postpartum psychosis may lead to life-threatening thoughts or behaviors and requires immediate treatment. When to see a doctor If she is feeling depressed after her baby's birth, she may be reluctant or embarrassed to admit it. But if she experiences any symptoms of postpartum depression, she should call her doctor and schedule an appointment. If she is experiencing more of the symptoms of postpartum anxiety or OCD, she should proceed to contact her doctor and describe the significance of her symptoms and seek responsive medical help. If she has symptoms that suggest she may have postpartum psychosis, get medical help for her immediately – contact her doctor or take her to an emergency room.
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