Recapturing Biblical Manhood & Womanhood

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Recapturing Biblical Manhood & Womanhood

2013

A Praiseworthy Woman: She Fears the Lord Proverbs 31:30 “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” I.

Fearing the Lord Brings Growing Wisdom A. What the Fear of the Lord is

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A Definition – The fear of the Lord is a mindset in which one’s attitudes, will, feelings, deeds, and goals are exchanged for God’s. It is a reverential awe and proper respect of the immense and terrible power of God, yet does not cower in a negative way, but is drawn to it in a loving way. An Illustration – Fearing the Lord means we are drawn by what is terrifying. It is like driving though an electrical storm in the Midwest, where you know that each bolt has enough energy and charge to kill you, and yet you are captivated by its beauty. You don't want to look, want to cower under the covers, but are drawn to look. God's greatness is like that: we are shocked and tremble, yet we want to get as close as we can because nothing else compares. This is the greatness of Jesus Christ in the gospel. He has brought us near through His blood those who were far away from God and under His wrath. When wrath is appeased and peace is made, the fear of the Lord moves from something to hide from to something that yields much benefit in our life.

B. What the Fear of the Lord does What does the fear of God mean in application? The book of Proverbs lays out many ways: 

The Fear of the Lord is the beginning of true knowledge (Prov. 1:7), the beginning of wisdom (Prov. 9:10), and the instruction in wisdom (15:33)  The Fear of the Lord is a choice to be made Proverbs 1:29 Because they hated knowledge and did not choose the fear of the LORD,  The Fear of the Lord is something to be sought after and searched for (Prov. 2:1-6); in other words, it is available  The Fear of the Lord turns us away from pride and evil (Prov. 3:7); it is effective  The Fear of the Lord is the hatred of evil (Prov. 8:13) and is the means by which we turn away from evil (16:33)  The Fear of the Lord prolongs life (Prov. 10:27) and leads to satisfaction and rest (19:23); it is satisfying  The Fear of the Lord gives us strong confidence and is a refuge for our children (14:26); it gives confidence  The Fear of the Lord is better than any other treasure that can be offered (15:16); it is to be treasured This is less about a list or a how to, but more of the principles of application to the fear of the Lord. Fearing God is not a stagnant thing, nor is it slavish duty. It is delightful and joyful when we understand that God is in control, that He is working all things out, that He knows the beginning and the end, and that we can rest in Him.

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Recapturing Biblical Manhood & Womanhood

2013

II. Fearing the Lord Cultivates Gracious Speech Proverbs 31:26 She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. A. The Problem with our speech James 3:5 So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! When we are not governed by the fear of the Lord, we are susceptible to all kinds of negative speech. James 3:5 is clear that our words are able to burn down entire forests, and if someone learns how to master the words out of his mouth, they would be a perfect person (James 3:2). Men and women are both prone to negative speech, so this is clearly NOT simply an issue for women, but just as men are prone to certain impurity, women are prone to certain sinful aspects of their speech. There is a reason why this exemplary women was commended for her use of words, because our words can so easily tear down as quickly as they can build up. Women can often struggle in some of these areas when there is not proper fear of the Lord: 

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Gossip – It is clear that gossip is a problem with every sinful person, both believers and unbelievers (Rom. 1:29; 2 Cor. 12:20). However, it is also something that a woman is prone to when she is not walking in the fear of the Lord. This is what Paul made the church of Ephesus reminded that widows needed to be aware of their propensity to gossip if left without clear purpose (1 Tim. 5:13-14). Gossip has selfishness, not selflessness, at its core, but it veils itself as humble care for others. Gossip filled conversations wander into discussions about others that have nothing to do with us, no part of the solution, and no desire to help or change. Gossip is a pathway that is easy to walk down and very difficult to recognize. Complaining – Complaining about life is also an easy road to walk down, since there are always aspects of life that are not the way they should be. Complaining can also disguise itself as sharing or be hidden behind sanitized words such as 'venting'. The focus of our complaining can be our life situation, children, lack of resources, or husbands. All complaining is sinful (Phil. 2:14) and is truly complaining against what God in His sovereignty has placed in our lives. Complaining may help us feel better in the short run, convincing ourselves that we are unhappy/miserable/joyless because of ____________, but complaining only hurts us in the long run and is not a means of true joy because it turns away from Christ, which is the fountain of our joy. Complaining, much like gossip, tends to tear people down instead of using words to build up, even if we think we are complaining about the innocuous. Bragging – Bragging or boasting comes from misplaced love. True love does not envy or boast (1 Cor. 13:4). Bragging takes credit for things in our life that only God deserves credit for (Eph. 2:9; Jeremiah 9:24-25) and our bragging often masks our own insecurity. When we are content in our identity in Christ, we no longer have to prove our worth to others, envy what they have (and prove we have better), or artificially elevate ourselves.

Each of these areas has similar issues: the elevation of self, the tearing down (directly or indirectly) of others, and a complete lack of acknowledgment of the fear of the Lord. The problem, of course, is what to do with our words, especially when there are legitimate and real things that need to be changed or areas we need counsel, advice, or feedback on. This is exactly where the application of the fear of the Lord comes in. B. The Solution to our speech 2

Recapturing Biblical Manhood & Womanhood

2013

WISDOM  Wisdom speaking understands that sometimes it's better not to speak Proverbs 13:3 Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin.  Wisdom speaking understands that there are different needs for different moments Col. 4:5-6 - Conduct yourselves wisely toward outsiders, making the best us of the time. Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.  Wisdom speaking has the Lord's pleasure as its main goal Psalm 19:14 - Let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer  Wisdom speaking understands who to share with 1 Thess. 5:14 - And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with all Our main place of venting or crying out should be the Lord (see Psalm 42 & 43 for an example), but He has also given us each other to share with, to be able to literally look someone in the eye and talk to. We should have relationships with those that we can talk honestly with, someone that we can share truthfully with concerning the things going on in life. The type of person and relationship you are looking for is someone who: 1) Is trustworthy - she is a vault of information, can handle the circle of trust, and will not divulge information to others; 2) Is encouraging - she is someone who is wise and discerning, and thus can be encouraging to you in your hard circumstances. She will pray for you and will help bring perspective to what you are facing, but will always push you back to Scripture as the source of true encouragement; 3) Is willing to confront you - this seems counter-intuitive to what we are looking for, but you want to share with someone who will not allow you to complain, gossip, or brag. Someone who will call you out on wrong thinking and call you to confess your sin, turn from it, and pursue the Lord. Finding a woman who will help you in this will help you be a woman who speaks wisely. Wisdom is putting the fear of the Lord into practice, and seeing someone model that is an essential way in becoming a woman who uses and chooses her words wisely. KINDNESS When words are thought through in wisdom, kindness follows. Kindness is a clear expression of love (1 Cor. 13:4) and is interlocked with forgiving one another, as we have been forgiven (Eph. 4:32). In other words, kind words come out of seeing each other the way God does in Christ. Kind words follow when we see others as having surpassing value greater than ourselves (Phil. 2:3) and seeking to encourage, build up, and care for others. Kind words are the remedy for discouraged people, and they give motivation to those who have lost perspective. A woman who fears the Lord understands the value of her words. She knows that words can be a dangerous weapon or a strong tool. She seeks to control her tongue by yielding herself to the fear of the Lord. But the benefits of fearing the Lord do not end there, but extend to one of the more difficult yet important calls to women: submission.

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Recapturing Biblical Manhood & Womanhood III.

2013

Fearing the Lord Promotes Proper Submission

A. Ways submission is misunderstood We have talked about submission in the past and will continue to do it often in the future. Submission to authority structures set above us is an active test for each of us as to who we believe has control and sovereignty in our lives. If we believe we are truly in control of ourselves, our future, and our 'destiny' submission is a negative thing to be avoided. However, if we believe God is sovereign, in control, and above that, is GOOD, submission becomes a way of delighting in God and savoring our position in Christ. Submission is a part of God's created order, and we all understand & feel the implications. We are all to submit to whatever governing authority is placed over us, knowing that God has placed it there (Rom. 13:1), slaves are to be subject to masters (Eph. 6:5-8), and children to parents (Eph. 6:1-2). And there is the fact that the Bible teaches that wives are to be submissive to their own husbands. However, there are several misconceptions that need to be cleared up before we clarify what submission means: 

It does NOT mean a woman is a silent partner or doormat - When the Bible talks about a woman being silent, it refers to public worship (1 Cor. 13:34-35 ; 1 Tim. 2:11-12). As we have seen, an excellent woman has the ability to speak with wisdom and kindness, and is praiseworthy to her husband

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It does NOT imply weakness (but actually strength) - Far from being reserved to a weaker creation (1 Pet. 3:7 has more to do with delicate/valuable rather than weakness of character or ability), a woman shows great strength in her ability to follow the leadership of another.

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It does NOT imply slavish, mindless obedience - Submission is not obedience. Obedience has a different positional reality. Submission is a choice to follow, and it does so willingly, with full understanding. So what does submission mean? B. Ways submission is to be displayed Submission means willingly placing oneself under the authority and lead of another. Each of these words is important, but lets look at what the Bible says about a wife and her submission to her husband. Ephesians 5:15-24 Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. 17 Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. 18 And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, 19 addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with all your heart, 20 giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, 21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Colossians 3:18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

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Mutually - Notice what the section teaches about submission: in the church, and because of the gospel, we are to submit to each other. That idea is picked up in the next verse and applied in marriage, but every believer is willing to submit to another believer. 4

Recapturing Biblical Manhood & Womanhood

2013

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Willingly - Much like respect, love, and trust, submission is a choice to be made with the mind or will. Submission that is not a willing submission is NOT what the Bible would define as submission. Biblical submission is not forced, for that would be slavery. Submission makes a decision once to make a thousand decisions after it. Wives willingly submit to their husbands because they seek to understand the will of the Lord and live it out in the midst of an evil, dark world.

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Contentedly - Because submission is a choice, there is great contentedness in that choice. Discontent submission is not Biblical submission. In other words, a duty filled, begrudging, "fine I'll do it but I am not happy about this" attitude is NOT submission. Biblical submission finds its joy in obedience to Christ with an expression of trust and faith in Christ Himself and the power of the Spirit to joyfully submit in every proper situation.

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Wholeheartedly - We were not made to be half-hearted creatures, but our sin nature has plagued us with this dreaded disease. Its why the Psalmist cried out to the Lord to give him an undivided heart (Ps. 86:11), because a united heart is imperative to fear the Lord. Submission requires a whole-hearted commitment, a willingness to go all in when trusting Christ. PLEASE NOTE: This is why marriage relationships are NOT a 50/50 proposition, but a 100/100. In other words, we do not go in 50%, wait for the other to go 50%, and then inch closer. This leads to manipulation, control games, and dysfunction. Marriage is a 100% investment. Men are to love their wives with their whole heart, sacrificing for them, serving them as Christ did, even to the point of death, and wives are to submit whole-heartedly, holding nothing back. This also means each play their role regardless if the other does or not. Never does the Bible say "only play your role if the other does, but if they do not, forget it. You don't need this. You deserve better." The Bible is clear: we play our role with our whole heart, and trust the Lord's work through the Spirit and gospel to change the other. 

Fearfully - It is absolutely clear, ladies, you do not submit to your husbands because he is great, loving, or deserving. You submit to your husbands because you have a proper reverence or fear for Christ. You fear Christ and submit to HIS LORDSHIP FIRST, and THEN you are able to submit to your husband. In other words, problems or inability to submit to husbands is really a problem in submitting to Christ! This type of fear is gentle encouragement to those with imperfect husbands, with unloving husbands, and especially unsaved husbands (1Pet. 3:1-2). It is your respectful behavior that wins him over. But it is not simply respect for him, but respect and fear for HIM! This is nowhere near easy, but it is right, and requires ongoing trust, support of the church community (speaking to each other in psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs), and the power of the Spirit.

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Powerfully - Note the power source of all of this: the filling of the Holy Spirit. Each believer in Jesus Christ HAS the Spirit, but we will be controlled by the Spirit in differing ways and times, depending on our willingness to yield to the Spirit. The passage says be filled with the Spirit rather than with wine. When wine is consumed in too large of quantities, we yield control of our senses to its control. in a comparative way, when we yield ourselves to the leading of the Spirit, He has control. This means that we know Him in and through the Word and are willing to obey all that it calls us to. Its interesting to see that filling of the Spirit is imperative to do impossible things, and nothing is seemingly more impossible than submission and love in a marriage relationship. 5

Recapturing Biblical Manhood & Womanhood 

2013

Reflectively -Finally, we are not left without a model of submission. Wives are to submit to their husbands as the church submits to Christ. Christ is the head of the church because he was willingly submissive to God the Father, and was willing to die for His Bride. Christ's submission brought about His death but also brought life to the church. Whenever we submit to in the ways God has called us to, we are simply walking in the path of Jesus. If we want to be like Jesus, start by submitting joyfully in whatever context you find yourself in.

What does this all mean: Ladies, when you exercise the fear of the Lord in your speech and submission, there are resounding benefits:  There is no greater mark of the gospel that we display to the world than a woman who speaks properly and submits joyfully  There is no greater area of dependency on the Spirit than in areas of submission. When we are dependent on the Spirit, we are filled with Him, and we are able to obey Christ fully.  There is no greater area of growth than our growth in the fear of the Lord. When He is big, we are put in our proper place. When He is small, we are big and we are in trouble. God is always in His glorious place, but we often do not recognize it. May we recognize God's glorious, fearful, terrible, sovereign place in our lives.

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