re|engage facilitators' guide

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RE|ENGAGE  FACILITATORS’  GUIDE   In  preparation  .  .  .   •  Prepare  ahead  of  time  with  your  spouse.    Be  sure  to  not  only  discuss  the  materials  but  also  work  out   who  will  lead  each  part  of  the  small  group  time  to  help  with  a  natural  flow.   •  Model  honesty  and  vulnerability  to  the  group  about  yourself  and  your  marriage,  having  discussed  with   your  spouse  ahead  of  time  what  you  will  share.  Consider  sharing  your  testimony  in  the  first  or  second   group  time.   •  Model  biblical  conflict  resolution  in  your  own  life  and  marriage,  and  share  struggles  and  successes  with   the  group.   •  Remember  that  not  all  participants  are  believers.  Be  ready  to  share  your  story  of  grace  and  to   articulate  the  gospel  clearly  and  concisely.   •  Remember  that  not  all  participants  attend  or  are  members  at  your  church.  Avoid  using  too  many   words  or  concepts  that  are  culturally  bound  to  the  church  and  use  lay  terms  when  you  can.   •  Preview  the  following  week’s  “action  point  question”  prior  to  group  time  to  alert  participants  to  action   items.   •  Success  in  Re|Engage  is  just  getting  couples  to  talk  about  their  marriage.  Some  participants  may   experience  major  life  change  during  the  time  the  group  meets,  and  some  may  have  seeds  planted  for   future  growth.   In  the  first  meeting…   •  Ice-­‐breaker  questions  can  be  fun  and  useful  to  open  and  to  foster  positive  conversation.   •  Ask  each  couple  about  expectations  they  may  have  for  the  Re|Engage  process.   •  Remind  them  that  you  are  facilitators  there  to  help  the  group  stay  focused  and  to  guide  when   necessary.  You  are  not  counselors  or  teachers.   •  Read  the  following  page’s  list  of  five  small  group  characteristics  in  order  to  set  the  basic  “ground  rules”   to  establish  the  small  group  as  a  safe  place.  Revisit  these  from  time  to  time  as  it  will  help  your  group.   •  Use  the  facilitator  and  participant  guides,  teaching  times,  and  testimonies  to  start  conversations,  then   let  your  group  share  and  discuss.        

In  weekly  group  time  .  .  .   •  Open  in  prayer,  pray  topically  or  scripturally,  based  on  the  lesson  or  evening’s  teaching/testimony.   •  Begin  each  session  asking  their  main  take-­‐away  from  the  teaching/testimony  they  have  just  heard  in   the  large  group  time.   •  Your  group  may  or  may  not  gel  immediately,  be  patient.  Be  ready  to  facilitate  and  help  them  move   towards  biblical  community,  but  do  not  force  it.  (Principles  of  biblical  community  are  described  in   Hebrews  10:24-­‐25  and  Acts  2).   •  Allow  uncomfortable  silences.  Your  job  is  to  help  the  conversation  get  going  and  stay  going  in  the  right   direction  but  not  to  teach.  Resist  the  urge  to  say  something  profound.   •  Make  sure  that  everyone  takes  turns  talking  instead  of  talking  over  each  other  or  having  multiple   conversations  at  once.   •  Remind  participants  to  focus  primarily  on  themselves  in  the  lesson  instead  of  their  spouses.  

  RE|ENGAGE  SMALL  GROUP   The  following  characteristics  will  contribute  to  a  safe  and  successful  Re|Engage  small  group  experience   for  couples.   1.  Successful  small  groups  have  a  balance  of  each  person  getting  to  contribute  and  share  without  any   one  person  or  couple  dominating  the  group’s  time  and  attention.  So,  don’t  talk  too  little  and  don’t  talk   too  much.   2.  Avoid  the  temptation  to  try  to  fix  one  another.  Safe  and  successful  small  groups  are  characterized  by   support  rather  than  advice-­‐giving.  Trying  to  “fix”  someone  else  is  usually  a  sign  that  we  don’t  want  to   deal  with  our  own  stuff.   3.  Even  though  you  are  at  Re|Engage  as  a  couple,  focus  on  your  own  individual  thoughts  and  feelings  as   you  share  with  the  group.  Please  don’t  use  your  sharing  as  an  opportunity  to  harm  someone  else.   4.  Scripture  calls  us  to  refrain  from  gossip.  Please  operate  under  the  direction  of  God’s  Word  in  the   handling  of  information  shared  within  the  group.  In  order  to  provide  a  safe  environment  for  your  group,   you  must  commit  not  to  share  information  about  one  another  outside  the  group  except  in  the  event  of   the  threat  of  physical,  emotional,  or  spiritual  injury  and  then  only  under  the  guidance  of  a  Re|Engage   leader.   5.  In  Re|Engage,  each  person  should  be  allowed  to  share  without  interruptions.  However,  like  most   other  successful  conversations,  others  are  free  to  contribute  with  comments  or  observations  only  to  the   extent  that  it  is  helpful  for  the  person  or  couple  that  is  sharing.