Sexual Purity and Manhood

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Sexual Purity and Manhood What is Sexual Purity? We are embarking on a very challenging month. Some of you have battled with lust and pornography issues for as long as you can remember. Some of you have been lulled into thinking that you don't have any issues "in this area" and are completely unaware of how far you have strayed from the Biblical ideal of sexual purity. If we are honest, this is every man's battle. It is not the only battle, but it is a battle we all face daily. Our goal in David's Men is to recognize our sin but not to wallow in it or rationalize it. Instead, we choose to rise above by the grace of God and surrendering to the Holy Spirit. REMINDER: What we talk about in the vault must stay in the vault. We are a support group for each other and confidentiality must remain a steadfast focus. What is Manhood? “You were born a male but you have to choose to be a man.” – Wellington Boone In our modern culture, this definition can be tough to pin down. Over the years society has twisted and distorted God’s design for men. And the cultural pressures on men, especially young men, are taking them down wrong paths. We need a clear and authentic definition of manhood in order to reach manhood ourselves. There are many excellent models for us to follow. Here are a few: •

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Robert Lewis of Men’s Fraternity says manhood involves: • Resisting passivity • Accepting responsibility • Leading courageously • Looking forward to the greater reward, God's reward! Stu Weber, in his book Four Pillars of a Man’s Heart, gives the following four pillars of manhood: 1. King – Vision to Provide 2. Warrior – Strength to Protect 3. Mentor – Wisdom to Teach 4. Friend – Love to Connect

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John Piper describes Biblical Masculinity as the following: o Serves and sacrifices for a woman’s good o Points the woman to Christ o Makes the most of others’ strengths o Takes the general responsibility to initiate o Expresses itself romantically o Takes the initiative in disciplining the children o Finds appropriate ways to express masculinity o Knows that leadership requires repentance and humility

There are notable examples for us to follow in scripture as well. King David is one. Even though he made some huge mistakes, he is the only man in the bible described as being a man after God’s own heart. Don’t you want to be a man with a heart that seeks after God without reservation or excuse?

Current Month Assignments •

Read Finally Free: Fighting for Purity with the Power of Grace (Lambert). Prepare a book summary to share with the group.

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Memorize the verses attached. Be prepared to quote each verse and reference. Review your verses from previous months to ensure they become deeply rooted!

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Accountability questions – Bring 3 questions to our next meeting you want to be asked by the group to help keep you on track and accountable in a particular area.

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Interview a man that you admire (not family). For some sample questions, look in the Resources list.

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Man-date: This would be a great opportunity to practice saying your verses.

Resources: • • • •

Sample Interview Questions (see following) Information on Pornography and Sexual Purity (see following) Some Helpful Scripture Passages (see following) Internet filtering tools: o Covenant Eyes o Net Nanny o K-9 browser

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Accountability partners willing to be transparent HOPE Network counseling: o Individual counseling for pornography/sex additions (Jay Alvaro) o Marital counseling where a counselor can help you and your wife navigate through these issues o NOTE: If you are interested HOPE Network counseling, please let your DM leader know and he’ll ensure a connection is made.

Memory Verses 1 John 2:15-16 Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 16For everything in the world—the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does—comes not from the Father but from the world. Ephesians 5:3 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. 1 Peter 2:11 Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul. + 1: Philippians 4:8

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Sample Interview Questions • • • • • • • • • • • • •

What makes an effective leader? What are you most passionate about? How do you define success? Favorite quotation? Best advice you ever received? What are your goals and dreams (short-term and long-term)? What books have influenced your ideas and thoughts the most? What magazines, blogs and other information sources do you study? What is the best decision you have ever made? If you could change your life in one way, what would you change? How do you handle stress and failure? How do you handle obstacles and roadblocks? Who is your hero?

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Who has had the most impact on your life? Who do you listen to? Who do you accept advice from? What are the most important lessons you’ve learned along the way? If you had it to do over again, what would you do differently? How do you manage your time successfully?

Information on Pornography & Sexual Purity • • • •

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Pornography sites get more visitors each month than Netflix, Amazon, and Twitter…combined. A 2014 survey by Barna Research Group found 55% of married men say they watch porn at least once a month, compared to 70% of unmarried men. According to Juniper Research, in 2017, a quarter of a billion people are expected to be accessing mobile adult content from their phones or tablets, an increase of more than 30% from 2013. Mobile adult video-chat alone will have a compound annual growth rate of 25%. According to sociologist Jill Manning (http://www.heritage.org/testimony/pornographysimpact-marriage-and-the-family), research indicates pornography consumption is associated with the following six trends, among others: 1. Increased marital distress, and risk of separation and divorce 2. Decreased marital intimacy and sexual satisfaction 3. Infidelity 4. Increased appetite for more graphic types of pornography and sexual activity associated with abusive, illegal or unsafe practices 5. Devaluation of monogamy, marriage, and child rearing 6. An increasing number of people struggling with compulsive/addictive sexual behavior In 2012, Tru Research conducted interviews with teens (ages 13-17) and parents of teens. Findings: o 71% of teens have done something to hide what they do online from their parents (this includes clearing browser history, minimizing a browser when in view, deleting inappropriate videos, lying about behavior, using a phone instead of a computer, blocking parents with social media privacy settings, using private browsing, disabling parental controls, or having e-mail or social media accounts unknown to parents). o 32% of teens admit to intentionally accessing nude or pornographic content online. Of these, 43% do so on a weekly basis. o Only 12% of parents knew their teens were accessing pornography. According to http://www.guardchild.com/statistics/, 70% of children (ages 7 -18) have accidentally encountered pornography, often thru a web search while doing homework.

What about Christians and pornography? • According to a survey conducted by the Barna Group in the U.S. in 2014: o 64% of self-identified Christian men and 15% of self-identified Christian women view pornography at least once a month (compared to 65%/30% of non-Christian men/women). o 37% of Christian men and 7% of Christian women view pornography at least several times a week (compared to 42%/11% of non-Christian men/women). o 28% of Christian men and 11% of Christian women say they were first exposed to pornography before the age of 12 (compared to 23%/24% of non-Christian men/women).

Some Helpful Scripture Passages Never forget that the Holy Spirit lives inside of each of us and gives us the strength to battle these urges and desires. When King David committed adultery with Bathsheba, murdered her husband Uriah, and attempted a cover-up, he was confronted by the prophet Nathan. David’s response shows an important nuance: "I have sinned against the Lord." With sexual impurity, the ultimate sin is against a Holy God. There is great collateral damage to our wife, our kids, our relationships, our finances, and our attitudes…BUT ultimately I am sinning against God. The beauty of this story is we worship a Holy God who is also a forgiving God and a God of hope. The gospel is not only what saves us for eternity but also is what gives us hope on a daily basis. Scripture is full of second, third and fourth chances--you are not defeated! • •

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1 Cor. 10:13 "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." 1 Thess. 4:3-5; 7-8 "It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God......... For God did not call us to be impure but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit." Job 31:1 "I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl" Eph 5:3 "but among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people." Eph 3:16 “I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being” 2 Corinthians 3:17 “Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.”