Wisdom of the Proverbs: Parenting The book of

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July 19, 2015

Proverbs 6:20-23; 13:24; 22:6

Wisdom of the Proverbs: Parenting The book of Proverbs is largely the work of King Solomon, the third and the last king of Israel before the nation was ripped in two by a civil war that divided her into two kingdoms. In one sense Solomon’s proverbs were written for the benefit of everyone, just as every book of the Bible is, but in another sense it was written specifically for an audience of one, his son. In the first chapter of Proverbs Solomon writes, My son, hear the instructions of your father and do not forsake the teaching of your mother; for they will be a garland of grace on you head, and chains about your neck. The first seven chapters of Proverbs all begin with the phrase “my son.” These proverbs are clearly given for the purpose of helping his son to grow up to be a man whose life is lived well and pleasing unto to God. The book of Proverbs is an intentional act of parenting by Solomon. It is parenting 101. This week I read through the whole book of Proverbs and tried to see it through the lens of parenting and that endeavor led me to see four main teachings as it concerns God’s calling for us to be parents to our children. They are: (1) spiritual instruction (2) practical instruction (3) disciplining your children (4) the promise First, let us consider spiritual instruction. You can take your children to dance and to play T-Ball and have them on every sport team or activity there is in order to keep them out of trouble and make them well rounded, successful kids but if you as a parent do not lay down a spiritual foundation for your kid’s lives it is all for naught. Well rounded kids do go to heaven, some of them, but kids don’t go to heaven for being well rounded. Our first and most foundational job as parents is to nurture our children’s relationship with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I can’t give you a verse in Proverbs that says to do this but knowing that Solomon wrote this book for his son and knowing that the first thing out of his mouth in the prologue to the Proverbs was “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge,” (1:7) it is clear that Solomon understood that it was his job as a parent to build his children up spiritually. Are we doing this with our children? Are we praying with them and for them? Do we read the Scriptures to them and encourage them to study the scriptures for themselves? Do we have them in worship and involved in the activities of the life of the church? Do we ourselves understand and embrace the gospel and do we communicate the gospel to our children?

Parents, first and foremost, this is our job. The church does have a role to play- a huge role, a role that cannot be replaced with cheap substitutes, but you can’t think that church is going to somehow make your children Christian. You as a parent have to impart the faith to them. Mom and dad you’re a minister and you have a congregation and it is your children. There was a time in American history where the culture helped to impart these values to our kids. There was a time when teachers read the Bible in the classroom and recited the 10 Commandments. There was a time when everything was closed on Sundays. There was a cultural Christianity that helped to impart the principles of the faith to our children. Those days are long gone and because they are, parents have to step up to the plate in ways that they used to not have to and truly this is not as terrible a thing as it might seem to be. Certainly I lament the fact that our culture that is collapsing more and more to secularism and moral relativism, but this is something that we parents are supposed to be doing anyway. We’ve just come to a place in our culture where if we don’t intentionally build our children up in the faith they are not going to get it from anywhere else and not only that but their faith will be attacked. Second, let us consider practical instruction. This point will be briefer than the first because the second point of practical instruction is grounded in the first point teaching your children that “the fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge.” When you read Proverbs you will see that the father is addressing his child on the importance of honesty, sobriety, purity, hard work, clean speech and a controlled tongue, managing your money well, how to be a good friend and neighbor, how to plan well for the future, how to be a good husband and wife, how to be a good king and leader, but all of these things first flow from the foundation of all knowledge, which is “the fear of the Lord.” God is the author of morality and practical and wise living, so if a parent equips his son or daughter to follow the Lord and his Word and the son or daughter heeds the instruction then the practical stuff will come together. None the less, the Proverbs offer great wisdom and encouragement in imparting practical wisdom on how to live this life well. But let me say it one more time in a different way- People who live well lived lives go to heaven, some of them, but a well lived life doesn’t get anyone into heaven. The fear of the Lord, is the beginning of knowledge. Third, let us consider the point of disciplining your children. Parental discipline is probably the most explicit command taught in the Proverbs as it concerns a mother and father’s responsibility as parents. It seems evident to me in our culture today that there are a lot of mothers and fathers who hate their children and they don’t even know it. The reason I say that is because they do not discipline their children. They think they are loving their children by trying to be their best friend, or by compromising and negotiating with them at every turn but what they are really doing is hating their children. The Scriptures wisely teach that God disciplines and chastises those whom he loves and any parent who has a lick of sense will do the same. But somehow this has fell by the wayside in our society.

Our culture likes to do it the Modern Family or Dr. Spock, I’m OK- your OK, time out, let count to fifty and if you don’t quit by the time I get to fifty I’m going to count to fifty again and give you another chance kind of way, because we don’t want to hurt our children’s feelings or bottoms. Consequently, we’ve become wimpy parents who raise whiny narcissistic kids. Mothers and fathers discipline your children. They need to learn that justice will be served on inappropriate behavior and if you don’t teach them then they will learn it the hard way in society. That may sound hard and maybe it is, but parents need to discipline their children. I’m glad my mother (and it was mainly her since my parents were divorced) beat my little butt when I got really defiant or out of hand. I’m also glad for the two paddings I got in the sixth grade from Mr. Gray. I deserved every lick I got. And if I ever got one that I didn’t deserve it made up for one that I didn’t get because I got away with something. I say that not because I don’t believe that there are other forms of discipline that need to be administered (there are), nor do I say it because I believe it is the one that should be used most often (I don’t), nor do I say that without realizing that some parents have not exercised restraint and have been abusive in corporeal punishment (some have gone too far), and I do not say it without realizing that there is a time place season for everything and eventually your kids get too old to be disciplined corporally. I just say it because sometimes there is nothing like a good old fashioned butt whoopin’ to straighten you out and teach you that there are consequences for bad behavior. That’s my way of saying that Dr. Spock was wrong and that Solomon was right. If you spare the rod of discipline you will spoil your child. Fourth, the final point is the promise. Proverbs is a book of promises and it contains an important one for parents. Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not turn from it.” One thing we always need to remember about the proverbs is that they are generally true when it comes to the promises. There are always exceptions. Sometimes the righteous suffer and the wicked prosper. And sometimes children who have been trained up properly do depart from their faith and what their parents sought to instill in them. But generally speaking, if you lay good, deep roots your child will come back to those roots at some point in his or her life. This is a promise that we ought to remember and claim for our children as we seek to raise them in the knowledge of the fear of the Lord. In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, amen.